so my dm was running a homebrew campaign and we were a party of five. their was an ex gladiator barbarian goliath named bhorn, another was a half elf bard and he wasnt obsessed with wanting to have sex with everything. the other 2 was a human ranger and a aaracockra who had schizophrenia. and finally my character was a dwarven cleric named jormungandr like the serpent from norse mythology and he had a bad drinking problem but it was to such an extent that he had forgotten his patron and also had no affect from normal alcohol. his mission was to find the best ale in all of the realms. so the adventure starts with me and an npc stumbling across an orc scouting party and i for some reason new orcish (mainly because i thought it would be funny) and so i used thaumeturgy to make my voice louder and i screamed in orcish, i am your god and you will take me to your leader and tell me what your doing here. my dm said roll charisma my charisma was my second lowest stat at a solid 10 and so i rolled and the first one of the night of course was a nat 20 and these orcs just threw their weapons down and kneeled to me and then they carried me with the npc that was my characters lifelong friend and i wnded up in the middle of a small orc encampent with about 20 or so orcs. me and the npc decided we were gonna go hunting some orc and so we did we went into combat and i slaughtered about 10 of them and then th npc about the same and the orc chief finally showed up and dueled me and we both kept getting nat 1s over and over for about 10 turns until finally i landed an attack with inflict wounds at level 1 and acarred him and he ran away and i was to drunk to chase because i was drinking my family brew. and after that i went to town and my character didnt know how to open doors so he bashed down every door. after character intros and such a large group of orcs attacked the town with both land and sea, me and my party were all captured and put onto these slave boats me and my other party members were on the same boat and my bard friend managed to incite a riot among the male citizenry and the goliath used me as a battering ram to break open the door leading to the deck. my goliath friend in the midst of fighting managed to get a large warhammer from the orcs and he was shot down by 3 archers on his last legs i used a healing spell to stabilize him. i was pissed my friend got hurt, i used thaumaturgy again and screamed “why is ya captain being a little quivering baby standing in the back” in a heavy scottish accent. the captain picked me out as the leader of the group because i geuss i was a loud mouth… literally. but he called for a truce and called me up to his quarters and i accepted and he said he wouls grant me freedom if i were to calm the people and male them stand down, i thought for a moment and replied to him with, “you know i really dont like greenskins” and using the warhammer that my goliath friend was using i swung it, my dm said roll with disadvantage since its a warhammer made for goliath sized people, i rolled a nat 20 both times and used smite along with it causing burning all along the captains face and he ran out the door and told the few orcs that were standi g guard on the steps outside to kill me but i walked out and tossed the hammer to my now concious goliath friend and told him to slaughter while i headbutted the orc next to me and stole his weapons and started killing. we ended up taking the ship and going on more adventures until my party started a fire in a tavern while i was being chased by the guard in a snowglobe and i burned alive drinking 50 keigs of ale.
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