DnD Story #154 – The Fucking Bone Wagon

My current and first real DnD campaign.

1 point

Our group is composed of 5 players. The composition is pretty generic with a wizard, cleric, ranger, fighter, and a rogue. Our job at the moment was to help transport carts of supplies over to a town. During our travels we encountered various obstacles, such as: A dying necromancer, thieves, goblins, orcs plundering a small village, and cultists. All of these encounters were pretty fun, but the first instance in which we gained a magical item was what led to title of this story. We arrived in a forest where we decided to set up camp for the night. One of our drivers for whatever reason saw something shiny and wandered into the forest and we all ran after him. We discovered a bag that we later learned was a bag of holding. Our fighter who was known to be the idiot of the group decided to check if anything was in the bag by attempting to shake everything out of it.

 500 fucking frogs poured out from the bag and the whole was just stepping in frogs at this point. We learned that it was a bag of frog holding. Our fighter who was really depressed that he just fucked up a potential weapon of ultimate shits and giggles, decided he would spend an entire session doing nothing but picking up frogs for the bag while the rest of us would continue to explore the forest and save some other people who were camping out in the forest. 

Fast forward to the start of a new session, our fighter had managed to recover a good amount of the frogs for the bag and we continued on our journey. We arrived to the town we were meant to deliver the supplies to. We learned that the town is ruled by a lich who had defeated one of his old rivals a couple thousand years ago and that he has an obsession with reinacting his battles of old. As a result, explosions and sounds of fighting are constantly heard from the dark forest next to the town. 

All of us had decided to head to the market where we could refill on some of our own supplies. As our fighter was browsing for orc blood that was being advertised as basically liquid steroids, a young girl snuck up behind him and took his gold pouch. This led to a long chase that resulted in some of us failing dex saves and eating shit as we crashed into people and walls. We eventually tracked the girl down to the building she was hiding in, only to be ambushed by a bunch of cultists. After interrogating the girl, we learned that she was forced to lure us into the ambush by cultists or be killed. Our cleric and wizard took pity for the child and decided to take her in. She was later given a small hand crossbow and wand of magic missile for self defense. 

The next day after we finished resting up at a tavern, we were asked if we could deliver some dead bodies to the lich. It turns out that the town has a deal with the lich in which he will spare the town in exchange for dead bodies every once in a while. The bodies were loaded up in a few carriages while we were given our own personal carriage to ride on. This carriage was heavily decorated with flame and skull designs, basically a fucking medieval fantasy hot rod. This was the Bone Wagon.

The carriage was designed this way because the lich really likes flashy cool shit. Upon reaching the location where we were supposed to drop off the body, the lich appeared and spawned a bunch of undead minions. We were instructed to perform for him as he watched us fight his minions, while somehow eating popcorn. Honestly, the lich was a pretty cool dude. After we finished fighting the minions, the lich said that he was satisfied and would allow us to leave as he took the bodies. Our fighter walked up to the lich and demanded that we get to keep the Bone Wagon. The lich agreed, but demanded we pay him in extra sacrifices immediately, we all scratched our heads, as none of us were willing to kill a child for a pimped out carriage. Our fighter then pulled out the bag of frog holding that he had refilled and offered it to the lych. The lich agreed and even gave us a skeleton driver for the cart, complete with a valet driver uniform. We named him Pelvis Castello.

Fast forward a few days and we have now saved a small village from an attacking army with the use of the Bone Wagon as we fired ranged attacks from the carriage while Pelivs pulled off sick drifts with the Bone Wagon. Our adventures so far have resulted in us gaining 2 new party members. A heavily armed child, and a fucking skeleton.  


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