DnD Story #190 – How to use physics to kill demigods.

#190


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Alright, so, setting the scene. Here we sit, four members remaining out of a party that usually play as ten people. It's about 6am, and we've been playing D&D for approximately 9 hours straight at that point. Needless to say, the remaining party members who managed to stay up, were all a bit baked. We're from a high level party who've been playing together for about 5-7 years, and we're on a three month quest to find the fountain from which all the fountains of youth spring from, the fountain of immortality.
Either way, there we are, arrived in Elysium – Afterlife of elves and shit. We had previously been in Olympus, where we may have pissed off Hera, but Prometheus told us that if we helped out the elves of Elysium by defeating a guardian we could maybe appease her slightly. So sure, easy enough, we step into Elysium, tussle with some of the native creatures, and eventually use Find A Path to lead us to where the Guardian was. He was defending another fountain of youth, of sorts, apparently. But as we stand there, figuring out his True Name and such before initiating combat through all sorts of divination, we come to the realisation that we're only 4 people. And with only 4 people, killing an avatar is hard. So we got to thinking, how in the world do we kill something so strong?
Well, eventually I thought "We could charge it with a large creature. A Dire Boar, or something", to which our Druid looks at me, before morphing into a goddamn Triceratops.
Alright, that's good and all, but then our Fighter hands him his Boots of Deadly Speed. Now, Deadly Speed makes you go fast. And I don't mean Haste fast, I mean like ten times Haste fast. Spell description literally says, that if you collide with a solid wall using this, you are splattered onto the wall. Now I may not be an expert, but a multiple-ton tri-horned triceratops flying at someone with that kind of movement speed? Now that hurts.
So like some kind of insane fiesta, we go on into the Guardian's room. And he begins rising menacingly out of the fountain, shouting "DOOOOMSDAY HAS COOOME", and before he even finishes the sentence, my character says "GO" and a Dimension Door appears in front of Mr. Demigods face.
Out of this Dimension Door, comes a freaking 11-Ton Triceratops flying with Deadly Speed on it, right into his face – And a magical sword wrapped around one of the horns just to make matters even better – Quite literally dealing about 250 Crushing damage to the face of the fearsome immortal. Missing his save against Physical Damage, and also having two Flamestrikes flung at him, he is immediately killed within the first 2 seconds of combat.
To have that as the end of a 13 hour long session, needless to say that everyone was wheezing of laughter after killing such a fearsome boss in the most stupid way ever.


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