DnD Story #209 – The Bartender

“Do you want to leave a name?” “Just tell Joe it’s from his Dwarven friend.”


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Two fighters (one Human, one Dwarf) split off from the party to gather information on “The Bartender,” a scoundrel with a bounty out for his head. They find out he slept with the Mayor’s daughter and for that he is a wanted man.

Fast forward to a shady part of town where a poor, unsuspecting man is being grappled and held at axe point.

”Tell us what you know about The Bartender!”

*Dwarf intimidation roll 19 plus 10 mod*

*person on street rolls a 4 on save plus 1 mod*

”I” *sob* “I have a 9 silver piece tab” *sob* “I was on my way there”

This is when the Dwarf uses a dagger combined with non-lethal damage to knock the man out; rubs rum on his face and messes his hair. He carries him through town to meet the other three players (all female, all elves. Monk, Rogue, and a Cleric) under the guise that the man had drank one too many and passed out.

Fast forward to the “Red Potato Inn” where the party asks to speak to “The Bartender.” Enter man who looks NOTHING like the wanted poster.

”Heya Joe, who’s your new friends here?”

Joe, the stranger from the street who at this point has been knocked unconscious twice and stabbed; sits at the bar and nervously slides over 9 silver pieces. The Monk steps up to the bar and through clenched teeth mutters out, “Nah, Joe ole buddy ole pal, let me pay your tab to YOUR bartender.” She shoots a glare at the Fighters and then smiles pleasantly while fire burns in her eyes. “Sir, your friend Joe here had too much to drink, and that plus the heat… well he’s having a heat stroke, very delirious, I assure you he was not stabbed or held at axe point no matter what he says.” 

*Monk succeeds on Bluff check, bartender buys story entirely*

With a laugh the bartender hoots out ”Yeah, that would be crazy!!!” He continues to laugh as the party exchanges uneasy looks.

Joe gulps down a pint on the house and bolts from the Inn.

The party goes on to shoot the shit with the bartender and find out that “The Bartender” (formally known by his birth name of Richard Nixon) had skipped town months ago and was long gone.

In the end, the Dwarf fighter sets a spare bottle of rum on the counter and tells the bartender to give it to Joe when he next sees him.


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