DnD Story: Bard Shenanigans

Wanted to get laid, shenanigans ensue


-1
-1 points

>Be me, Level 5 Bard
>Wanted to fuck some hookers
>Went to the nearest brothel in the Red Light District
>End up in Red Panda Brothel
>I ask for a room and a harlot to fuck
>Owner refuses to serve me
>Tells me all the girls are sick
>I promise the owner to heal them all by morning in exchange for letting me have a threesome with 2 girls of my choice
>Nat 20 (+10) on Persuasion Check
>He accepts
>He had 20 girls
>I only had supplies to heal 10 so I ran to the closest store open at the time
>Only Ahkbar's shop was open
>Cringe because of what happened last time
>I say fuck it, go in, and deal with his shenanigans again
>Managed to get enough supplies to cure 8 more girls after his shenanigans
>I'm still 2 girls short
>I say fuck it, I'll deal with it next morning
>Return to my room in the brothel
>Two half-elf harlots waiting for me
>Proceed to have hot threesome sex with the two half-elf harlots
>Best. Sex. Ever.
>Morning comes
>Gets rudely woken up by Owner
>Owner is pissed to find out I only healed 18 out of 20 girls
>I'm still naked with the 2 girls with me
>Bouncer walks in to kick me out of the brothel
>I get up and try to talk my way out
>Nat 1
>Bouncer tackles me
>Fail my Dex Saving Throw
>Bouncer grapples me
>Also fail Grapple Check
>Gets thrown out of the window
>I fall from the 2nd floor into the street
>Barely survive from fall damage
>Managed to take my Rapier with me somehow before getting chucked out of the window
>Limp my way out of the brothel into an alley
>Find a random drunk passed out
>Steal his clothes
>Pass Sleight of Hand Check
>Go back to where I keep my stash of items
>Patch myself up and take a short rest to heal up
>Come back to the brothel after short rest
>Bouncer is waiting outside
>Get into combat with Bouncer
>I somehow managed to kill him during combat
>I make my way back to the room I was at
>Owner is fiddling through my stuff
>I sneak up behind him
>Pass Stealth Check
>Have advantage on attack
>Nat 20
>Rolled max damage on both of my attack dice
>Killed the owner in one hit by jamming my Rapier to the back of his neck
>One of the girls see me pull my Rapier out of the back of the Owner's neck
>She runs away screaming
>I take all of my belongings, especially my Saxophone
>Owner's body slumps to the ground as he bleeds out of his neck
>Walk out of the front door with my stuff
>Have blood on my clothes, hand, and Rapier
>Guards were investigating outside
>Guards see me walking out
>Gets questioned about the dead bouncer outside the brothel and the blood on my clothes, hands, and Rapier
>I tell them I know nothing about the incident and blood on me
>Roll for Deception with disadvantage
>Still roll two Nat 20s in a row
>DM looks at me in disbelief
>DM pauses to ponder how to deal with the situation
>Guards believe my story and let me go
>Managed to get away with murder in broad daylight


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