Here’s one for you guys.

While I was in the navy a friend of mine I was stationed with was a huge dnd fan. At this table are myself a dwarf fighter, my wife a gnome rogue, and my sister an archer… type person by the lowest definition, and our DM Derek.

The 3 of us have never played a table top before so we played what is known to this day as “Dungeons and Dereks”. Truth be told we fought a few little goblins in the woods during our first quest and even though Derek refuses to admit it (fearing we would never want to play again) we must have died 4 times over.

Finally we beat our first fight and my fighter is wounded. He looks to my sister and says “your partner is bleeding out. You have medicine. What do you do?”

And my sister… in her infinite wisdom (24 years old by the way) says proudly “LEAVES! IM GOING TO FILL HIM WITH LEAVES!!”

Even in the super diet version we all played, Derek looks up… sighs.. and says “so you fill the GAPING wound with LEAVES!! and surprisingly enough it doesn’t work… BECAUSE ITS FUCKING LEAVES”.

It was roughly 3am by this point and we had been playing about 5 hours. To this day he makes it a point during our sessions to remind us that leaves are not in fact acceptable to stop hemorrhaging.



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