How a magic bean turned a turn a “God” against a King.

Giving a Kenku a bag of Magic beans is the best accident my DM has ever made.

2 points

The Cast

Bob Lyrebird Kenku Cleric

Gabe Lupine Wolf Folk Barbarian

Tylie Threetails Kitsune Sorcerer

Kildere Warforged Bloodhunter

Zanan Gnome Druid

Fahz Tabaxi Monk

Greetings and salutations! I am a relatively new player to D&D and always wanted to play it. My brit buddy contacted me one day on discord asking me if I’m willing to play a cleric and Bob Lyrebird was born. The campaign setting takes place in Critical Roll’s “Tal Dorei” campaign. On my very first session my DM had me roll for a wondrous item since I was coming in at level 4. The wondrous item I got was a bag of Magic Beans. He gave me lil story about how I taken these out of anger from the carnival I was traveling with, when the Ring leader went back on his deal to donate a portion of the gold to help the orphanage I sponsor that also raised me.

Fast forward a couple of months later in game time and the party is traveling to White Stone in a creepy woods and swamp. We was taken prisoner by an army of Bullywogs. Bob might not be the most intelligent bird (-1 int) in the flock but he is friendly and wise. So when he saw the shaman bullywog was wearing crude bone jewelry he gestured for her to talk to him. She ordered the soldiers to let him go, the old frog lady cast tongues on Bob.

“Greetings and Salutations, I am Bob Lyrebird. The Voice you hear is not my own. I am a Kenku and do not have the ability to speak. This is my Master’s voice.” There’s a running joke I have to say verbatim every time I introduce myself. Naturally I do it in the most cheesy cliche hero voice I can muster. She stares at him for a moment blinks her one eye and tells him, “We eat bird….but you’re a unique bird….” inspecting him and his weird glory. “You got that right!” he then begins to mimic the sounds of the swamps to try and gain her favor. The bullywogs all stare in awe as they think Bob is trying to court and woo the old shaman.

After he was done she simply said, “Take him for The spawning” ordering 2 goons to take Bob by his non functional wings as they drag him off as he mimics the terrified girly scream of Tylie. He is taken to our companion we was looking for a Human Wizard named Arthur who works for the cobalt soul. He was also being held for “The Spawning”

The Warforged named Kildere became the new negotiator of the group. After abit of talking we found out that “The Spawning” isn’t as bad as we once thought. Apparently it’s a special religious ceremony when the Bollywogs watch their god lay an egg and see if it spawns into a new god. The Shaman soon introduced herself as “Potentate of the Ponds, Gourgeiana” They seem to be very pleased of their status and names. The one who captured us was “High Lord of Muck, Magnumus” they all serve under the king “The High-Jumping Lord, Croakabauld XVII” With his crown made from a wooden bowl with spikes driven in it and his robes being a dirty and soiled blue woman’s robe that was found in the swamp.

We was all ushered into the foul bog to witness the public execution of 3 bullywogs. They pleaded for their lives as even trying to use their ranks and titles to try and persuade the king for mercy. They was thrown in the same quagmire we was in. Suddenly a Froghemoth came out from the depths tearing one poor bullywog in half, eating the other one whole and pulling the last one into the depths with it until the bubbles stopped. Bob leaned over to one of the guards and asked “What was that thing?” The guard croaked “That is our God! Glupharold, The Ever-Croaker!” Bob nodded and smiled politely, making sure not to offend them.

We wade our way through the muck to where the execution was and the Shaman has informed the king we’ll be guest for the spawning. Gabe not like most barbarians is quite intelligent and understands sometimes it’s better to be a yes man than fighting off a whole army and their “God” He tried to reason with them that if we’re gonna stay for such a holy event we need to look our best and need clean water to clean ourselves. Which landed on def ears as getting muddier and making clothing from scrap fabrics and seaweed is more their style. Bob and Kildere got to bathing in the muck right away. Kildere not really caring since as a warforged doesn’t have a sense of smell like most organic beings and Bob not exactly wanting to get eviscerated. Plus as Bob told Zanan “There’s worse things to bath in” We was then escorted into a hut and told to make proper clothing for the ceremony and to get offerings ready.  We was baptized and given silly frog names but I for the life of me can’t remember most of them. I was honestly laughing too hard this session and this is getting pretty long already.

After a wardrobe malfunction on Bob’s outfit and getting help to sort it. Bob went to Arthur and ask him what his offering is. “Ah yes, this is a collapsible tankard. I think it’s a good gift for a king! What about you Bob?” Bob made a necklace from rope with 2 coppers coins on each end 2 silvers coins in the middle and a gold coin in the very middle. “Very interesting Bob.” Bob then replied “Thank you I got the idea back when I had to hide in a brothel from The Buttercream Gang, I saw some of the women wearing these.” Arthur looked confused “B-buttercream gang?” “Yep, their favorite game was kick the kenku!” Bob then left to watch the bullywogs set up the festivities with Zanan as Arthur sat there trying to figure out what he heard. While Tylie helped Kildere and Fahz find gifts in the nearby swamps. Meanwhile Gabe was teaching the Bullywogs how to cook using a spitroast.

The time came to present their gifts to the king. One by one we gifted our gifts to the king. The king was happy until the coin necklace came to him. He asked the bringer of the coin necklace to step up. As Bob step up “This displeases me” Croakabauld the XVII croaked ringing the bell the Evercroaker risen from the depths right infront of Bob. The displeased king gave Bob one last chance for a better offering. Bob pulled out a bean the size of a thumb. “Y-your highness this bean contains great magical energy. It holds powers you cannot even fathom it may even save your people someday.” Bob stuttered hoping for mercy.

The king taken the bean looked it over and chucked it into the swamp. Now…in my first session I used one of these beans and summoned a pyramid on a major trade route for the city of Kymal. Which is an amazing story for later. Bob knows these beans potential and he uses them if he has to…or if I find it really funny. Bob and Gabe both started to sweat nervously as the swamped bubbled and the ground shook. Soon a stone structured risen from the muck, not a pyramid but a statue. A beautiful made statue of Croakabauld the XVII. The king smiled as he saw this statue was animated….until the statue starts yelling every horrible thing you can imagine and talking mad crap about the king. Accusing him for a bunch of horrible stuff just hurling verbal assault at the king.

“THE KING HAS OFFENDED THE GODS! THIS STATUE IS A OMEN FROM THE GODS HE OFFENDED!” The Bullywogs all started to mutter and talk to themselves if the king is worthy. “I Have served you all these long 14 days a your king!” Crokabauld shouted hoping to appease the now angery mob of frogs. However The Evercroaker taken his gaze off Bob and onto the king. The froghemoth shot out it’s tongue pulled the king right out of his robes and one loud crunch was heard and then a gulp. The commander quickly scooped up the crown and declared himself the new king. Bob scared of what he just saw and doesn’t want to be the next snack yelled “Long live the new king, High Lord of Muck, Magnumus!!” Apparently he was already planning to usurp the crown and we just made his job easier. The Froghemoth then laid it’s egg and went back into the depths. Bob being the cleric he is said a blessing over it. Now we’re friends of the Bullywogs of the swamp and they showed us how to get to White Stone. The shaman made a mask of Gabe’s face and told him”If we need your help you will hear us, if you ignore our plea you will lose favor of our new king.” As we parted ways the shaman told us her signature blessing “May you be ever moisten.”

Who knows what wild adventures we’ll have in the future with the bullywogs, but I look forward to it. This is actually the shorten version of this crazy session. I wish I can tell you all everything but we’ll be here all day. Needless to say I was in a gloomy mood when we started this session for a couple of personal reasons. My DM and Fellow players are all amazing and we all play off each other well. They really helped me out a lot this year.

May you all be ever moisten.


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