this is how my first time playing DnD ended. I was at my friend Jaymie's house along with my two other friends Anthony and Nick. while Nick and I stayed in Jaymie's room, she went to go show Anthony her DnD things, the two of them suddenly come back down stairs carrying a lot of things and told us that we were playing. My friend Nick and I had never played before but we agreed and so our adventure began. while making our characters, when we had asked what race Nick was playing, not understanding what was really going on, he misread his class, bard, as brad instead. we laughed and made it his race. (context: brad race is basically human but instead of +1 to all stats, they get a +3 to charisma and a speed of 25 instead of 30 because of their large ballsack.) moving on I played as a paladin while Jaymie decided to play as a chaotic evil cleric. Nick's character was named Chad and he was chaotic good, Jaymie was an dark elf named Amaranth, and I was a human by the name of Zephyr. Starting on our journey, Amaranth already didn't like Zephyr. she didn't like how I was lawful good. in the beginning, we, while bickering once in a while, worked relatively alright as a team. when we got to phandalin, we started having issues. Jaymie wasn't doing much but we had to watch over Nick a lot to make sure he didn't do something stupid. while Amaranth and I were off on our own, Chad decided to seduce and have sex with a nun. She ended up commiting suicide and when people started to hate Chad, I tried to come in and save him, however, failing my acrobatics check, instead of going through the nuns, I ended up crushing and killing 3 of them. meanwhile, Amaranth was off talking to a nun at the shrine of luck and convinced her that I was and anti-paladin. of course I was upset with this and ended up being banished from the town. a little later, when things were coming full circle, the three of us were running away from a large mob group trying to kill me, even though I had done nothing wrong (on purpose). something I should mention is that when Chad stresses out, he jacks off. this time he actually saved us, his excrements tripped up the mob and they had thought that I was the orc that they actually killed. getting away we encountered a monster (a custom one called the demisexagorgan) this creature teleported us to its world and we were all separated and had to so the same things, we even could see holograms of our friends next to us so that we could communicate. long story short, after completing the trials, I got 3000 gold, Chad got a war lute, and Amaranth got a small pocket dimension in her arm for completing the trial without loosing a life. the pocket dimension is important, it gave her unlimited space for storage. later in the story, we came across an evil wizard who we had to fight (of course), while I fell down a hole I used spiritual weapon (gift from our DM Anthony for me) and actually hit. while the bard and priest were fighting alone, I jumped out the hole and rushed in to help. Amaranth was about to be attacked to I rushed in to protect her but then the Wizard gained an attack of opportunity strike and fataly wounded me. I became unconscious and mean while the two of them were going back in forth about saving me or not, Chad saw that I was useful while Amaranth hated Zephyr and was laughing about me being unconscious, while still fighting the wizard of course. when they beat the wizard finally, Chad rolled persuasion against Amaranth to help me but by then I had already died. I was furious with them, I was yelling at Jaymie and Nick for not acting sooner instead of arguing with one another. Jaymie just puts it up to that she is chaotic evil (even though that means nothing for the party working together.)
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