How the Orc won a Cooking Competiton in a Dungeon


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So, recently I started running a comedic D&D game, and we're already getting absolutely amusing events, it's on an online text-based RPG resource (titled Dungeons and Jests). I had the players fight against human-sized anthropomorphic muffins, had one event where two muffin people and a giant boar were fighting the players, it was mostly the character of Thunk doing this for the most part, and holding his own quite well. Thunk is the character I want to tell about with this event that just happened. So some context before telling the story, Thunk is a fat Orc Sorcerer (dragon heritage, red dragon to be specific, this isn't relevant to the actual story but does help set up for what he's built to sort of be like) with an Int of 6 and Charisma of 19 and penitent for fire because he's a food fanatic with a Guild Artisan chef background; Now  Thunk got the killing blow on a giant boar with a Create Bonfire spell and described how he literally roasted the pig then later got the killing blow on a living set of sausage links and just straight up ate that Sausage Snake for his "how do you want to do this?" moment.  I said all this to give context on things. On to the story, the group had just come to a large room with an ogre, after taking the left passageway in the room where they got a friendly pet mimic that's made to look like a small cardboard box, two of the notes from the actual boxes in the room mentioned what would be waiting in the rooms beyond with the one Thunk opened having a note saying that there was an ogre in the room with said room having an enchantment that prevented anyone in the room from your typical kind of fight and instead challenging the ogre there to a competition to claim victory, Thunk ate the note shortly after having gotten it and a vial of Apple Cider Vinegar. Thunk challenged the ogre to a cooking a contest and then suddenly the whole room was turned into a set akin to that of Iron Chef or Recipe Rehab with the Thunk and the ogre in chef aprons and hats. I had the challenge work simple, one roll for prep and one for actually making the dish, Thunk got Advantage because the kitchen fired him up.

The secret ingredient for all the recipes was Candy Cane Shrimp. Thunk's rolls for the appetizer, a Candy Cane Shrimp Cocktail, were decent but not amazingly good, the ogre made some inedible shrimp fishcakes. Then came the side dishes, Thunk tries making some shrimp salsa with some kind of chips but his rolls aren't good enough this time, the ogre wins that round with a pair of very good rolls making a Shrimp smoothie. After that comes the main course, Thunk makes a pair of Candy Cane Shrimp Burritos and rolls good enough on his prep to save him from a poor roll on the actual cooking of the dish, the ogre again makes an inedible mess that was supposed to be shrimp pasta with a shrimp pasta sauce. Then comes dessert, once again Thunk rolls really well making some Frozen Candy Cane Shrimp with chocolate sauce, and the ogre rolls poorly yet again, once again making an inedible mess. Thunk ends up winning the competition and getting about a dozen seed packets (half for fruit trees and half for fruit bushes), a new magical mixer with a platform that allows it levitate, a liquid measuring cup that goes up to 5 cups, and when they return he gets to keep the apron and hat (both proclaiming him the winner), in addition to that the apron also has scrip in the Orcish language saying that you can choose to either kiss the cook or bribe the cook with food and stating that if you have choice go with the bribing with food. Thunk was very happy with the whole thing, even taking the time to do a little celebration after the chamber returned to its state before the cooking competition segment. The player and I even chatted a bit about how happy Thunk was about being the winner.

What did we all learn from this? Ogres are not a good fit in the kitchen, even the most intellectually challenged character can prove useful outside of an actual fight, and being fat doesn't exclude anyone from being an Adventurer. And I'm sure we'll be seeing more amusing moments with Thunk as things go on.


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