I Refuse To Be The Mascot

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut the dice gods have spoken.

2 points

I recently ended up joining a new campaign, set in RWBY (Pronounced Ruby) Universe made by Rooster Teeth. Say what you want about the community I literally will not stop you, but I like the show still and seeing a posting for a DND campaign based on it was interesting so I signed up. 

Fast forward to making characters and I want to make a badass sniper because big gun. Because remember, the solution to any problem is gun, and if that don't work just use more gun. I get points where I need them and don't think much else of it. Now fast forward and the DM is an absolute treat, taking everything into account, asking all these character questions, etc etc. One of the questions off handly I got asked was if my character was male or female and how tall were they. I usually play guys but figured, eh whatever I'll play a girl this time. Primary color? Well Purple is amazing so sure, a purple haired gremlin with a big gun, let's make it funny and outlandish. Race? Uuuuuuh….. The world of RWBY has these things called Faunus, basically human hybrids with some animal features. So I decide to take on the Faunus race, and get some snazzy fangs filled with a paralytic venom. I was planning to just shooty shoot mcshoot, but now I had a real physically made character, one that could hide and paralyse to get away from danger. I thought it was awesome. The question of height came up again and I shrugged, stating I didn't know, make her small it doesn't really matter to me. 

The moment I said that, I felt a great disturbance in the force. The dice gods made their decision, and we were diving feet first into strange times. I had points in tumble, but it would not save my characters existence. The campaign started great, eventually getting us into combat where I readied my sniper rifle with maximum malicious intent. Miss. With a plus eight. Next round, miss, next round miss, then our poor wannabe badass gets scopped up by monsters, failing multiple checks to escape and having to be rescued. 

Not a great start, but she's got a positive outlook on life so hey everything will get better! Maybe? Queue the benny hill theme as back to back misadventures slowly push the dice to decide the characters fate. 

Try to go for a midnight walk in a one on one side quest with the DM? Trying to walk like a badass? Nope, I trip and fall in front of NPCs. 

Perhaps some character building between another player at a nearby stadium while some kinda soccer game is going on? Sounds great! Avoid the background questions and nervously laugh off having a weird home life. The character is finally building a bit of reputation for being cool . . . Maybe.  . . The dice gods do not like this, so I proceed to get hit in the face with a ball made of pure ice, despite having so many points in reflex I fail the check. Now with a concussion, and NPCs apologizing and dotting on what is essentially the small bean being hit, and the character can feel her reputation drifting away from badass. 

Suddenly decide to join the game to flex strength skills and dex skills. This is it, this is where I will set the course right and achieve some semblance of coolness right? ……. Maybe? …… Dice Gods have spoken yet again. An NPC recognizes I was the one that got essentially curb stomped by a ball and tries to ask if I'm ok to even play. Laugh it off, the NPC insists I sit this one out. Decide to roll intimidation to be cool and take the hit. Failure….. Extremely close to crit failure…. Instead of laughing it off or appearing macho, the character's voice cracks, causing a mouse like squeak. The entire NPC entrouge actively now refers to my character as the mascot for being adorable. Slowly feel the points of badassery slip away into nothingness. The party now refers to my character as the mascot. I can feel the dice God's crafting me a mascot outfit, and no amount of painful backstory can compare to slowly becoming the mascot. 

Fast forward, and we've been given a chance to solve a few riddles. This is good, I'm good at riddles so I'm hyped. Get a chance to maybe flash the intelligence of the character and achieve badass points. Accidentally suggest a player go to the wrong area for their own riddle, fail miserably at my own riddle, my partner trying to solve the same riddle adopts a rabbit and leaves me with it. I am five feet off the ground in terms of height, holding a white and caramel colored rabbit, with a reputation for being adorable instead of badass. People see. Rumors spread, the mascot title becomes stronger, roll for humilitation with a D100 I have IRL. Get a 92. Character questions how they got here. 

Finally we find our riddle answer location. Fail spot check, fail reflex check, attacked by a swarm of monstrous bees. Literally nothing left to lose, so I end up throwing what is basically an incendiary bomb at the swarm, bullseye it with the rifle I have and kill the whole swarm. I can feel the badass points growing at long last, but it turns out the rabbit from earlier is injured. NPC's and the only other player with me go to check on the rabbit, and begin crying over it. An NPC wakes up the rabbit, claiming it's hers and that the rabbit is a drama queen and not actually hurt. I hate this rabbit, but the NPC compliments my shooting. I start to feel pride, thank them in character. . . . I then sigh deeply as the snickers begin…. My voice cracked and thus the characters squeaky voice cracked….. Get referred to as the mascot again. 

The game is fun and I have accepted my role, it's fun and different from playing the usual manly fighter or monk. The dice gods have made my destiny clear, and I will fulfill it to the fullest. 


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