Klimpaloon’s Journey

As a magical old-timey swimsuit and a Rouge encounter what should have been a nearly impossible NPC, the DM learns that one of them can tank and the other can hide.


In a home brew campaign, I got permission to play as a magical old-timey swimsuit, named Klimpaloon, from the DM. I based all of the stats off of a human, but then modified some to being lower, to more accurately fit the character. Decided to play as a Bard this round as well, because I’ve never done it before and seemed fitting in some way. Klimpaloon has a fatal flaw of always says “Nein, nein, nein.” when he walks, giving him a disadvantage to stealth. He also has low strength and can only “hold” small weapons as he is made of cloth.

The only other character in the party at this point is Elrod, a half-blood elf rouge. He literally built his character to be as stealthy as possible, even with a double proficiency.

While going on our quest in our first session we break into a tower. Elrod is “wearing” Klimpaloon underneath a cloak. Elrod deceives the guards and sneaks all the way to the top, where we were going to make an announcement to confuse the enemy troops. Just one problem, there was an announcer at the top of the tower. Elrod failed his deception roll after claiming to be from the front lines and having an important announcement to make, simply because he refused to hand over the paper with the orders on it. Now this announcer guy is not simply an announcer but also a solider. He is what the DM has been calling “Orators.” They are beefed up Paladin Drow, with enchanted armour, swords, and over 120 health (we were still lvl1 and were supposed to be too afraid to attack them).

Having been caught in the lie, the rouge just hides, while Klimpaloon jumps off of his body and tries to attack the Orator’s face with the dagger he somehow managed to carry along. Having failed the attack roll he falls back to the ground, throws the dagger, and lands face first to try to hide. Klimpaloon failed his deception roll so the Orator realizes that since some weird piece of cloth obviously just flew at his face with a dagger that it is alive and poses a threat. Now we enter combat. Previously the party fought some goblins and Klimpaloon cut out their sinew to weave into the cloth he is made out of to add some extra AC. This Orator fails to hit Klimpaloon almost every time, he keeps swinging as if to hit a normal sized Drow, but since Klimpaloon is a little less than 4ft tall he misses. Not only is Klimpaloon only able to deal 4 damage max at a time, but also has to find creative ways to try to deal damage, since he just threw the dagger, and has no musical instrument. Meanwhile the rouge keeps backstabbing the Orator and then instantly hiding. A good full 20 or so rounds go by until they finally defeat the Orator, while Elrod took no damage and Klimpaloon took minimal.

Klimpaloon then searches the body for any fabric that might be on it. Finds some trousers, and a tunic. Takes the tunic, and tears out some string from it to use to mend him. It was successful and he regains full health. Klimpaloon proceeds to find a portal out of the tower, that will only stay active for one body to pass through. While the guards down stairs have no idea what happened, and the rouge barricaded the trap door to their level anyways. They leave as the came in with Elrod wearing Klimpaloon. The next session the DM decided to use even more powerful enemies, with very high perception to counter Elrod. Some were also dealing with fire, as that would deal an instant K.O. to the living cloth named Klimpaloon.


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