Narrated DnD Story: How The Poor Rogue’s Bad Luck Keeps Getting Worse

The cruel twist of fate that is the dice!


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My friends and I have been playing D&D for a while and were a party of mercenaries. We began at Level 3 with a starting job that involved some undead cleanup at an old mansion.

Our Rogue was having some bad luck, but personality wise he was quite overconfident. A number of times he set off traps without checking for them, and several times he failed to unlock a door. Luckily we had a Half Orc Fighter and Goliath Barbarian in the party at the time, so a lot of doors got kicked down rather than opened. 

We had to kill off a PC when the player could no longer attend. He was killed by the Goliath out of mercy after becoming a werebeast during a mission. 

As we moved on, we eventually had a job where we had to investigate people being taken away from a resort town. 

We had an NPC with us, an Asamar Fighter / Sorcerer, as at the time there were only 4 of us actively attending the sessions. 

During my character’s training with her direwolf companion, the beast found a strange sealed bottle buried in the sand of the beach. 

She took the bottle to the NPC, but we could not properly identify it. A bard NPC gives us a lead to check the docks, and we interrogate a ship captain where an unseen force causes one of us to drop the bottle. It hit the dock, breaking the seal on the bottle. A djinni slithered out in a cloud of inky smoke. It wasn’t exactly happy with having been trapped in the bottle and lashed out at the nearest people standing by.  

Us. 

The player that played the Goliath Barbarian was unable to play at this point, so the DM said that our meat shield decided to get wasted on booze and was nursing a wicked hangover at the inn. 

Me getting used to Beastmaster Ranger, I used Spike Growth early in the fight while my friends used ranged attacks to deal chip damage to our target. 

After our first round of attacks, the Djinni summoned an air elemental, and the battle intensifies. 

During the next round, the air elemental blows my direwolf companion into one of the nearby ships, and the impact dropped his HP to 0. Now the companion is now too far away from the party to heal. 

My ranger finished off the Djinni after it took heavy damage from moving around in the spike growth field. A critical attack from her twin hand crossbows finished it off and I rolled a nat 20 on my companion’s death saving throw, so the direwolf tries to rejoin us. 

During the fight, we are having a hard time with the air elemental as it resisted many of our attacks. So my character switches to healer and support; eventually, our fighter is blown off the pier and my character is blown into the water about 20 feet away from my direwolf. 

Our Rogue is now going solo with the air elemental, and has taken heavy damage from the fight. He then makes a last ditch effort. 

The Rogue uses cards as his weapon, and he has a strange power that allows him to turn the normal playing cards into metallic razor sharp weapons that he throws — think Gambit, only more slashing less explosion. 

Our Rogue makes his attack roll…  

Nat 20! 

The DM describes how the Rogue uses his power and slashes the Air Elemental in half with a magical card, but afterwards his hand is turned into metal. 

We investigated the town, and we found that vacationers were being captured by the Drow and forced into slavery. We reported back to our guild leaders and now we had to go into the underdark to free the slaves. 

During our trek into the underdark, we are joined by two Drow which were hired to help us. One was working under another NPC that we knew, and the other helped us after we aided him with a hydra issue which he was going through. 

The plan was to split the party. One group led by the leader of the Harpers Guild. Miss Wintergreen would lead a team to distract the Drow forces allowing the other team to sneak into the underdark to rescue the slaves. The player who played our Goliath Barbarian was running late so he was a part of that main force along with the Tabaxi Cleric NPC. They ran into a group of Drow Clerics, and battle ensued. Miss Wintegreen and her forces were winning, which caused the Drow Clerics to become desperate. They called out to their Arachnid goddess and their prayer was answered. Miss Wintergreen understood what was about to happen and used a teleport spell to send the Barbarian and Cleric to us. They barely escaped when the goddess struck down everyone, including her own Clerics, before disappearing.   

Now with the party back and reunited, we engaged the hydra. We made quick work of the hydra and we found a safe room that was locked. Our Rogue failed his trap check, so I supported him with a Find Traps spell. The Rogue then fails to disarm the trap. As a result, myself and one of our Drow friends are poisoned by an unknown venom. 

My character and the NPC were having a hard time fighting off the venom, as every time I did my CON saves, I would pass one and then fail the next, pass another and fail the next, then fail another… you get the point! Our Drow friend, however, did not survive the poison; and overnight, while we rested, he died in his sleep. What’s more, his body burst open, revealing a black ooze monster we had to fight. 

I was healing and trying to support the party… as due to the sickness many of my rolls were penalized… as my character was becoming weaker and weaker… as I was getting more and more failed saves. YEAH! A lot of “as’s” going on here…  

The party now has to make an antidote for this poison, and one of the ingredients needed was blood from a Goliath, and our Goliath Barbarian party member did NOT want to donate his blood to the cause. 

The player apologized after the session. He wanted to help but his character was selfish and simple minded, though we managed to convince him. After that, we made the antidote and cured my character. Voila! 

We travel in the underdark, and we come across a cabin in a cave. Our DM is giving us details about the cabin due to several high perception rolls, as well as us seeing that as we walked towards the cabin, it did not seem like we were getting closer to it. The guy playing the Rogue leans over to our Barbarian player and whispers…  

“Psst, hey Rockjaw… Fastball special?” 

The Goliath player turned to the Rogue player, and gives a look of “The hell man…?” and then makes an intelligence check. 

The player interrupts the DM mid-sentence. 

“I pick up Remmy, and I throw him into the Cabin!” 

“Y… You what?” The DM asks. 

“Rockjaw picks up Remmy, and throws him into the cabin!” 

“Whose idea was this?” The DM Glares at the Goliath player as he and myself both point at the Rogue player who is grinning like an idiot. 

“Make a…” 

“Already rolled Intelligence, and Rockjaw thinks it’s a good idea.” 

The DM looks at me as I say, “Don’t look at me, you and I BOTH know Rockjaw is going to do dumb things regardless of what we say or do…” 

The DM sighs and says, “Roll strength with advantage… “ as our Rogue is a wood elf, and because we want to see a Nat 20…

“Okay, with advantage I got a 23 and 24, no nat 20’s” 

The Goliath picks up the Rogue and throws him with all his strength at the cabin, and we all see the Rogue fly completely through the cabin like it wasn’t there. 

“Okay, make a dex save, Remmy…” The DM replies as the player grins. 

“Great, this is going to be fun.” He said confidently as he rolled his d20 and pauses, still holding his confident expression as we look at the roll. “I got a Nat 1…” 

“Oh no…” The DM replies as he describes how the Rogue tries to turn himself to land with a skid and an epic pose, only to instead go back first into a stone wall, breaking his back, paralyzing him from the waist down, leaving him helpless on the ground. 

We didn’t hear this as players, so Rockjaw decides to tie a rope to his greataxe, and throw it into the cabin. 

Once more we watch as the axe goes completely through the cabin, narrowly missing the now paralyzed Rogue. Remmy desperately grabs the axe as Rockjaw pulls it back like a fishing line.   

As Rockjaw pulls Remmy towards us, the cabin begins to shrink down in size, attempting to trap Remmy within it. They pull the rope, desperately dragging Remmy out. His legs barely clear the shrinking doorway as the cabin snaps to the size of a D6 and then vanishes with a POP. 

However, we cannot heal him. We can only keep his pain managed. However, we now had another issue: our Rogue can’t walk, how do we continue our mission? 

The Tabaxi Cleric had a floating baby carriage made for her children when they were babies, so she summons it to us and we place the Rogue into that said Baby carriage, and we Professor Xavier’d him for a few sessions.


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