The funniest thing I ever rolled well for…

How to identify a dead vampire.


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Custom Homebrew setting, Pulp-Noir Clock-punk world, people living in massive cities policed by Automatons and Holy Knights.

We are a band of unlikely adventurerers banded together through our backgrounds and slowly gaining a reputation for being able to solve problems the authorities wouldnt.

We were hired by a local Noble to investigate the dissaperance of one of her younger relatives. While most of the party were looking at the scene of the disappearance and questioning witnesses the 'Clockwork' Wizard and my (quite eccentric) Artificer both investigated the carriage she was 'abducted' from – we found signs of a chase, arrows embedded in it's frame, a very unusual hole burned cleanly through the bodywork and the interior ofthe carriage covered in an ashy dust…

Clockwork: "We should take a sample of this dust…"

Me: wipes finger through dust and sticks it in my mouth

GM: "Uhh, Investigation roll?"

-Natural 20 – for a 28-

GM: "How often has Klein tasted burnt dead person?"

Me: "Probably more often than you would think, but not so much that he enjoys it…"

GM: "Its very old, very dead person…"

We had already suspected the Nobles were vampires but lacked any evidence tobring them to the law (being Undead was not technically Illegal but they were required to be identified and monitored for potential crimes – like Assault or Murder while feeding – Undead were not permitted to be Nobles or hold high positions of power due to their innate abilites to influence people)

Me: "Ah, as we thought… Vampires…"

Clockwork: Looking on in shocked horror "I meant for testing in your lab!!!"

Ah, the joys of being a mad scientist 🙂


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