The God-Head and the Shitting Kuo-Toa


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Kuo-toa A and Kuo-toa B had heard the news, there's someone here, five someones to be exact…a weird band of humanoids that looks like adventurers, and probably are…great, this again. Billy and Teddy have set the traps, and those usually do the job.  The last adventurer that came here got it real bad from the Guillotine Trap.  But just to be sure, we have the spears and javelins stocked in our hidey-hold.  We'll make a a pin cushon out those weird fuckers if they get his far.  Can metal humans be pincushons?  Doesn't matter I guess.  

In the far distance, the two Kuo-Toa can hear some sounds…pretty obvious that magic is being cast.  While they don't know the words, the intonation and cadence is well known to almost everyone.  The dancing light and distant figures moving their arms about dramatically is also a dead giveaway….then it all gets silent for a heartbeat, too silent.  Usually there would be talking as they did or didn't find the tra….THUMP   What the fuck was that. THUMP-ding  Is that a roar?!?  Did you see that?  It shot off the floor so fast I couldn't follow it, did it just fly up to the ceiling???

At regular angles, a sphere of anger is pinballing down the long passageway rooms, heading their direction.  It's growing louder.  It's roaring an unnatural scream. They finally catch sight of this monstrosity, of this otherworldly phenominon…Is it.THUMP..is it him?  It looks like him.  He looks angry.  ANGRY ROAR  Have we not worshipped properly?  Was it Billy?  He always seemed like he could be a heretic.  Is he coming for him?  Is he coming for all of us?  THUMP   What did we do? ROAR  

A giant sphere, containing a giant god…the one worshipped by these now very sad, scared, soon to be running, and absolutely deficating Kuo-Toa…is richochets off of the walls, ceilings, and floors and bellowing in anger.  It's almost as if it is mocking their traps as it smashes in to one after the other. 

THUMP  Each trap triggers, but the god-head seems impervious to their mortal devices. 

ROAR Each trigger only seems to anger it even more. 

THUMP I can't even make it to the pit like Phil.  I'm stuck at a dead end.  I don't know how I even have any piss left in me, but it's still flowing.  The giant god-sphere-thing smashes in to the long room I ran through.  The long room with a dead-end side cooridor I now cower in,  It flies up from the floor and bounces off of the ceiling with a resounding thud…only to come back down and slam in to one of our sheld blade traps.  THUMP-ding 

I could swear I saw it momentarily turn it's head down the hallway to look at me shitting myself. The look of uncaring disgust on its' face paralyzed me.  It smashed in to the far archway to my left after it carelessly triggering the shield-blades. It almost seems mechanical in its' movement, as if the friction doesn't apply and it is bouncing on a predetermined cour…but that was definitely its' course changing.  It's arcing down in to the pit and going after Phil. 

WHOOSH  Down the pit. 

THUD That has to be the floor at the bottom.

That Elf-Fucker….It's after Phil!  That heretic!

——————————————-

What Happened…

Our party: A Level 11 Water Genasi Knowledge Domain Cleric, Level 11 Elf Circle of the Monsters Druid, Level 11 Human Evocation Wizard, Level 11 Fire Genasi Oath of Vengeance Sorcadin, and me, a Level 11 Grumpy and Violent Warforged Battle Master/Assassin/GloomStalker.

After playing the Deck of Many Things, we had a member learn about a legendary and powerful weapon of the god Kelemvor.  The catch, of course, is that is at the bottom of a dungeon.  This particular dungeon is unhabited by Kuo-Toa that love to set traps…think Kobolds.  The defining factor is that outside of this dungeon, there was a statue of their god (I forget who it was).  This particular god was large (10-12ft), with red eyes.

After we had ventured the obviously necessary 300ft underground down a grimey staircase, I scout on ahead with our Druid who is Wildshaped in to a Pixie and hanging out in my quiver.  The dungeon was, mostly, a long set of hallway-like rooms with the occassional side passage.  These ranged from 70-120ft long and 20ish feet wide with giant archways between them.  After finding what are obvious traps due to GM foreshadowing, we backtrack and all group up in the first main room….this is when "the plan" is hatched.

The plan…is to send our Warforged (me) in to the dungeon, but at high-speed to spring traps and generally cause a ruckus. What ensued was the most epic D&D moment I have ever experienced.  The entire party made me up like a prom-date to a dungeon and then packaged me in a hamster ball and kicked me down the dungeon to cause havoc.

Out of nowhere, the Wizard suggests casting Resilient Sphere for this purpose…which sounded great.  But the crazy Druid said "I wish I could disguise self you as their God."  Oh….no.  I have disguise self and immediately cast it to look like the statue we saw at the entrance.  Our Sorcadin immediately steps in and casts Haste for extra movement speed.  Our GM informs us that Resilient Sphere halves movement speed because of having to push the sphere like a hamster ball.  Without hesitation our Druid casts Fly on me….following a few other preparations, the Wizard seals the deal with Resilient Sphere.  Our GM allows the fly to give full movement.  

What this does is give me, what at first glance is 120ft/turn (haste/cunning action) movement but when taking fly in to consideration gives 240ft/turn, or 2400ft for the duration of this concoction of bastardized magic: One Minute.  And even then I only lose the Resilient Sphere and Haste, but keep the God-like visage and fly, ending up with movement of 1800ft/minute with another 59 minutes of a flying and terrifying visage.

In the DM's words: Oh, the Kuo-Toa that were laying in ambush, and every other one that saw you are not only running, but shitting themselves the entire way.


One Comment

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  1. I have to admit, I’m not a D&D person, but this passage? I found simply EPIC. Talk about getting pulled into the scene…..

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