The most prepared goblin ever


Ok to all that read this have you ever seen a goblin wizard that is one step ahead?

well here is my story of the most annoying, crazist and outright genius of a goblin 

I have been playing D&D for months now with new things every day I play with a group of people I meet while doing a open group session at a local game store we are all in university and one of us is a teacher there we play once a week for 3 hours every Wednesday 

so here is the scene I am in a party of 4 with 2 rangers one a tiefling with translucent skin(harps) owning a jaguar(Trevor) the other was an elf( pheckicala or something like that it is a long name) and her cat midnight with an intelligence headband then we had a bloodhunter(Vlad ) with extremely high skills I mean seriously it is like one sniff and he knows all then there is me a gith warlock(greth) at this stage we were all level 9 

so before I start here is what is happening we are in a world where earth and hell are not separate anymore and is ruled with an iron fist by an emperor and this court is ruled by the seven sins greed(dead), wrath, envy, gluttony, sloth, lust(dead) and pride so each one has a task for the emperor but I will explain sloth since he is our next target, he is in charge of forming the emperor’s ever expanding army and to make matters harder he has divination magic so he can oversee everything but I am not going to explain how we are reaching him since he could see any approach from litteral hundreds of thousands miles away and we came up with a plan so big and everything that we had to stick with it so we can get to sloth quickly and carefully 

now on with the story 

we found the entrance to sloths lair but to be extra sneaky we took the back door recomeded by our leaders I keep forgetting their names 

so we entered through The backdoor to be welcomed with a room filled with some spike traps that go 20ft and the walls have been installed with some mirrors and in the corners was some invisible stalkers that I found out with a high arcana check we rolled initiative and had to attack with disadvantage because they where invisible but that didn’t stop me with a single cone of cold I took out 3 the bloodhunter took down 3 and the rangers finished the rest off 

fast forward 20ish minutes 

after dealing with a group of ghasts and finding a lockbox we moved on and the bloodhunter was getting ticked off with traps so he grabbed two spikes and began ripping out the traps and before long we followed his lead and started breaking things then we reached a fork in the road and thought about the paths so we went left and halfway through the corridor a crossbow trap went off and the bloodhunter and evaded the arrow and then smacked the trap 

that was then we meet the goblin who was screaming at us 

why did you do that?!

why the traps said the bloodhunter 

because you adventurers keep coming and taking things my things wait is that my spike trap 

oh I forgot to mention after the bloodhunter ripped the traps out he now uses a metal spike as a 20ft pole for trap purposes 

maybe it is stated the bloodhunter 

give it said the goblin who just cast a really big mage hand to try to take the pole but little did he know the bloodhunter had a belt of giants strength so he passes easily the goblin panicked then teliported and ran so we pressed on to his camp and grabbed verything even the tents and hammock he had then out of knowhere he set off the traps 

ok before we continue take note our party has a bag of holding with a breathable pocket so we can live in it great idea to have while on the road less chance to be scene

so after we stashed the stuff in the bag I take a look at his books and find one that is called traps 101 how to make successful traps in dungeons and I start to read it over turns out the book contained his camps defences and it was overkill 

there where 4 traps the first was a floor trap where everything is lava but with the added bonus of adding lava sharks we used the decanter of endless water to stop it but not before one of the sharks jumped out and flopped like a fish out of water then gas came out of the wall and began to seep into the room then we used the water again which then exploded in the wall the goblin was still around he used mould earth to seal us in with a hole so he could attack us from cover but then we went through the wall and found him dead with a long sword in his chest after we looted his body we found all the basic wizard stuff except for the componit pouch and arcane focus and shrugged it off and Left the place then I read on and found the last resort measure a compressed spell in a metal casing the spell turned out to be sunburst it scared me because it made small holes in the exit tunnel as we left with the threat passed I decided to have a look in his treasure chest to find a additional bomb that just started ticking i was starting to panic my hp was somewhere around 30 and I used up my spell slots trying to kill a dire troll earlier it was good luck we made it to the next room where the bloodhunter had a plan on closer inspection he discovered  they were force traps that compressed everything even a cabbage we had from earlier got crushed into a salad so he threw the bomb into the trap which compressed the blast then broke the trap conveniout right?

and while looking we found a door that is magical imperious to everything we could think off but we believed it is where we need to go so we left to search for the key

We still had the body so we stripped it down of everything even the clothes we planned to leave the body but the bloodhunter had other ideas and threw the body at the next next force trap but then it hit me and figured out where the arcane focus was as the goblin on the other side of the trap now got up and ran I should have seen this coming wizards have the spell feigh death which allows you to fake death and gives you Resistance to all damage except psychic damage pretty handy when you want to fake your own death to throw people off 

after this the bloodhunter looked around for boulders to jam in the trap so it stops working after like 15 minutes we broke the trap and gained 14 compressed stones that are like 15 kg each 

so then we discided to go after the goblin because we have no doubt he knows the key we seek and followed him, he tried to hide his tracks so we could not find him but we have a bloodhunter tracking things was his speciality 

after two minutes we tracked him to a room with petrified figures in the hallway so as a precaution the rangers placed a bunny infront of the door and opened it the bunny screamed as it got petrified the our dm asked us are We the bad guys since very thing we keep doing was borderline evil this made me have mixed feelings of Laughter and sadness my character was evil but the rangers were Good we were at a standoff here none of our characters have greater restoration to fix us if we got petrified this conserned me then the bloodhunter ran in with a blind fold on and after a few hisses I figured out these are basilisks and after i learn the fact that basilisks can be trained when born I shouted into the room for the goblin and he answerEd with an oops 

this standoff lasted for hours realtime as the player that played the bloodhunter was called off to play warhammer 40k with friends because timing 

we Tried everything we could think of until our bloodhunter returned and said have you tried blowing the room? 

I Figuratively slapped my head for not thinking that 

so then we created makeshift bombs and threw one in as I said goblin you still there?

yeah wha- oh shi- 

boom then two unexplainable mini explosions came from both sides of the door the bloodhunter went first with blind fold when the smoke cleared it lasted for 12 minutes as we entered I asked again goblin you still alive?

in the background I heard coughing thinking what does it take to kill this goblin? 

we tried to figure out where he was when the bloodhunter knocked on the walls 

the goblin then said hey leave the walls alone. it came from behind the wall along with a few hisses 

where is the key? said the bloodhunter 

then the goblin said Why didn’t you tell me earlier I could’ve brought you the key not break my stuff seriously now I have to find a new job 

at this point I had to be the reasonable one and made a deal all of his stuff for the key he agreed and handed over the key the wall opened up like a book return slot at the library it took the bloodhunter all of his strength not to stash a bomb through the slot we joked that at that point reality splint where it had the good ending and the evil ending and all this time we believed the key to be small but it was a big lead key we thought he was playing us until he explained the key has two parts the lead casing and a smaller sliver key inside like a USB stick after he handed over the key he took the basilisks and gated out 

I will level with you it took a literal month to get through that door to this day I still have mild headaches from that dungeon alone 

thanks for reading 


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