How my wizard angered nature, and lived.

And when he asks for one thing in return, you respond with silence and still air. You are a pathetic excuse for a God.


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This story takes place in the “Explorers Guide to Wildemount” setting. We were running a prebuilt module that was going to segway into a campaign that our dungeon master had planned. Our party consisted of five level 2 characters:

  • A goliath echo knight fighter, nicknamed ‘The Twins’
  • A blue tiefling thieving rogue, Virgil
  • A half-elf College of Whispers bard, Melik the Detective
  • A tortle cleric of the tempest domain, Tennen
  • And my character, a warforged chronurgy wizard named Tick who has a mask with shutters on its glowing blue lenses to mimic facial expressions and bandages to cover his entire body.

Because the adventure was pre-built, some details are left out to avoid spoilers. What should be known is that our group came across a obstacle. It was a lake covered with thin ice; if more than 100 pounds were to be applied over 10 ft.², the ice would break. This was a big problem for our group because the twins, Tennen, and Tick all weighed more than 300 pounds without equipment. Someone in our party thought it would be a good idea to build some sleds and have animals pull us over the ice. There were no animals in the area that we were in, but this lead to an idea of making a vessel that can get us across the lake. this time, it wouldn’t be powered by wind instead of the local fauna. this is beneficial to us because Tennen is a sailor. In the end, we ended up building a wind powered skiff that would spread out our weight across the ice. With the twins using their strength to gather raw materials, Tennen providing insight into a wind powered vessel, Tick using his intelligence to calculate how to disperse all of our weight across the ice, and Virgil and Melik using their dexterity to wittle down the wood and tie ropes, we’ve managed to build what seemed like the very first ice skiff in history.

Skipping past the rest of the prebuilt story, we made our way back to the starting village. And while the module was over, our next adventure had just begun for we have reason to travel elsewhere. But, we wanted to travel in style. So we asked the people of this coastal village if they would be so kind as to assistance with building this. They would get the schematics to make more, and they would get what was essentially the second prototype. Tick was doing calculations again, the twins were doing the literal heavy lifting, Tennen was providing his sailing experience, Virgil was getting us a job to move some booze with our sailor, and Melik was training a baby white dragon that we found during the month of our travel. Sometime past hand the skiff was ready to depart bright and early in the morning. Sadly, there was one problem: there was no wind.

Without wind we couldn’t get anywhere in this maiden voyage was a bust. Tennen went to the dock to pray to his deity for wind to power our vessel. Me and my character were curious, so I had Tick follow him. The dungeon master calls for a religion to see if Tennen’s goddess of nature hears his words. Our group rolled on a virtual tabletop, and the configuration made us always roll twice for easily tracking advantage and disadvantage. He rolled a three and a four. defeated, he makes his way back to the skiff while I take a crack at talking to this goddess of nature.

I cannot remember the exact words used, but it went a little like this: “Your loyal follower prays to you every day, does everything in your name, even risk his life for you. And when he asks for one thing in return, you respond with silence and still air. You are a pathetic excuse for a God.” Before the DM even asked for it, I already rolled my religion check. The two results on that VTT we’re both natural twenties +6.

“Make a dexterity saving throw.” Says the DM. The result was eight. He rolled 10D6 against my wizard with 23HP. He needed to roll a 46 to kill me. He rolled a 41. I am pushed 15 feet away from the side of the dock as a huge gust of wind and water knocked me unconscious. I’m rolling death saving throws, and Tennen heals me just in time for me to see how nature responded to my insult. Oh. My. God.

Nature made a blizzard in retaliation. Tick is conscious, but i intentionally make him go limp and wide-eyed. The wind is picking up, and there isn’t much time until the maiden voyage happens without us. Tennen is fireman carrying Tick back to the skiff, and places his body on the main deck backside down. A bottle of booze is cracked over it, and we’re sailing to our next adventure.

Before the session ended, I started to describe something. His glowing blue lenses the size of tennis balls for eye holes widened as far as they could go. The wind and water tore off a lot of Tick’s bandages and made a sizable crack in his mask. I told everyone that the fracture was horizontal crossing the area his nose would be. The crack worsened. The mask split, and underneath it was a lot of torn bandages that were covering up his mouth. There they saw a mouth made of greying synthetic skin and jagged fake teeth which was from ear to ear. He spoke.

[maniacal laughter] “They do exitst! Gods really do exist!” [more maniacal laughter]


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