How the Bard Killed Them All


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I have been trying to play D&D since high school. I have hit one or two sessions here and there but nothing consistent. Finally I got into several and that brings up to this story.

A person from my work DMed a 5E campaign and most of the other players were from work also. I was a tiefling paladin, a changeling who hated shape changers (possibly having a mental disorder since he never admitted to changing shape), and there was a tank and healer and some other but they don’t effect the story much except, of course, the bard. He was a believer of the rule of cool. Even used a weapon that his class was not proficient with because he liked it. This lead to him never hitting anything. 

The campaign started simply enough, we are a group of adventurers hired to protect a new colony on an island. When a person was taken, we made chase to their lair. We removed the guards at the entrance. When we got into the first room for a real fight, our tank, who was large, was in the front and made the first attack. The bard then tried to jump on top of the tank and spring on top of the others. With the small opening, a acrobatics check was needed and he failed, falling flat on the floor. Once that room was cleared, the tank put all the dead bodies on top of the a fountain in the room, scaring enemy reinforcement. In the next room statue that became animated when the Bard walked across some runes on the ground. Once that was cleared, that event was done.

The island was suppose to be uninhabited so we found some clues to figure out where all these baddies were coming from and moved to the other side of the island. There was small army sleeping. 

This is were the bard had his day. As the army stared to wake the bard and walked down singing and playing his interment. He told them we were a troop of entertainers and was given direction to the main base. This lie also got us into the base. We got more info on the quest and the bard even lied so hard that the location and description of the place these people were looking for just happened to be spot on. But this is where things went bad, in and out of character.

We entertained well enough to stay on the ship of the commander for the night. The bard, and the player, have been drinking and had the great idea to take the ship. After ten minuets of the other players saying that is a bad idea, the DM stepped in and told him this was just one ship of a fleet and one of the main big bads was on another ship just over the horizon. This went on for over an hour. He eventually relented and it was the next day.

We left without incident and went to where the bard lied, that is guessed, where the cave was. There were a few stronger guys, and some medium guys, and some houses a bit off that we knew would have more guys all that were about 100 feet below us with one ramp path. Also there was the skull cave entrance just as the Bard described. We split up, one group going on the path to draw them to us and the others would try to attack from behind by floating down by one method or another. The surprise attack was spotted instantly and the houses emptied there contents, about 70 super weak monster. The bard was with the sneak attack group and nat 1 dropped his sword in the water by the cave and did his first damage with “Vicious Mockery.” Worst spell of the game. 

Mean while, I with the tank and the healer were in the other group and were doing fine. We were surrounded but two of us had ac over 18 so were not getting hit and I used my shield to protect the healer. There was a lot of them but most of the major threats were dead and we were later told that the little ones only had one hp so we were whittling them down.

The bard ran into the skull and there was some controls. He moved them and found it moved the skull itself and when he pulled the other leaver, I massive death ray come out of the skull, dealing 10 d10 damage. Did I mention we were level five. The beam had a width of an iphone, about 20 feet on the map. This beam vaporized all the trees minions and our tank in an instance. Knowing the bard, I grabbed the healer and ran back up the ramp, no action just dash. The bard turned the skull to get the rest of the minions. The healer and I was on the edge of the beam so the DM had us roll a dex save. I made it and looked back at the healer only to see her arm in my hand. And that is where the session ended. Off screen, the DM had the remaining minions that were already flooding into the skull killed the bard. The rest were down and either had already failed their death saving throws or in the presses of dying so he had them just make new characters anyways. I was the soul survivor.

After that, the Bard was never told when we were playing another session.


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