DnD Story #257 – Crazy party antics

First campaign for all of us, and our party is....nuts


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Our party consists of a male hobbit rogue with a pet rat named Sebastian, a male goliath barbarian, a male human fighter, a female human druid, wood elf bard, and myself, a tiefling warlock, along with two npc companions, a tiefling wizard and a wild elf ranger. Its the first campaign for all of us. so to give an idea of the insanity we get into: our first battle saw us fight a group of cultists, and our rogue stole the leaders "unique shaped" staff, which we accidentally started referring to as the "dick stick"  and we messed up their ritual, resulting in the summoning of a chocolate eclair, which was full of sand.  then we fought a group of goblins, in which our rogue kept trying to murder one by shoving the dick stick down its throat, but then the goblin would steal it and try to do the same to our rogue. this went on for some time till our rogue won, leaving the stick in the goblin as a gruesome marker. our next battle was in a bandit camp run by bandit leader Ironjaw. our fighter killed one of ironjaws guards, and then was promptly slaughtered by the other guard. he remained dead for the next few turns. my warlock then poofed in and made delightful conversation with ironjaw, before attempting to somersault and ending up in the bonfire in the middle of the camp for the next couple turns. meanwhile our druid burned down the barn nearby due to hatred of humans, and our rogue killed a man with a shovel he had nocked to a bow, with his rat on it that then attached itself to a different enemy and proceeded to spend several turns biting his face. and our most recent battle, in an orc camp. using telepathy i set an orc and goblin against each other, so they just keep bumping chests in anger. in the end we had one orc with a druid in blink dog form biting his throat, a warg pinning him to the ground, our hobbit's rat biting his face, and our hobbit stabbing the top of his head. nearby, an orc is in a burning tent because i convinced him to go into it for his valuables. then our barbarian suplexed another orc into the burning tent so strongly that they were both knocked unconscious…inside the burning tent. i also mentally spoke to a group of wargs and befriended them


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