How a Barbarian soloed a 4 hour dungeon boss by drinking.

A Barbarian out drinks a dragon and win an encounter that should have lasted 4 hours in minutes.

3 points

I had a Barbarian named Futon. Futon was a goliath pure barbarian and awsome – stupid but awsome.

He was in a party with very high wisdom based and int based characters. there was a Wizard, a Cleric, and two Sorcerers. That ment he could not follow a complicatede plan or knew why we had to help this town with the ehhh… whatever problem this town had.

We had been playing D&D 3.5 for a long time with some homebrew (Mostly home made monsters) and was around lvl 13-14 when we got to a dungeon, that was home to an Acid Black Dragon (ABD).

The town mayor took the party to the entrance of the ABD´s dungeon and told how dangerous this thing was.

“it has an aura that will make you cower in fear, and its poison is so deadly you die just smelling it, and its an old dragon” etc. etc. etc.

Futon was bored of this old man – he just wanted to go back to the inn and have another drinking contest with that stupid dwarf (Another story for another day).

Futon: “Hey, why we not going in yet?”

Wizard: “Becuse we need to make a plan first, Futon”

Futon: “Okay, go in, kill stuff, come out again, done.”

Wizard: No Futon, 1. its too dangerous. 2. You are still drunk. 3. We have to protect the book. 4…”

Futon: “Ummm.. book?”


Futon had heard about these “Books” but never read one before, and he never heard the wizard yell either, so he decided to wait a little longer.

Cleric: “We found secret passege – it leads starigt to the book, we can skip the dungeon”

Wizard: “Wait what, that seems to good to be true… Whats the catch?”

Celric: “Weeell the dragon is also there… and we can´t sneak past him from that entrance – it will see us.”

Wizard: “Then we need another plan”

Futon: “Wait what O.o”

Futon is not a patient man and after 5 minutes of IRL time i said to the DM.

Futon´s Player: Futon walks in to the room with the book.

DM: Really?

Futon´s Player: It´s been 5 minutes.

DM: *Sighs* are trying to sneak past the ABD?

Futon´s Player: Come on man, you know me better than that.

DM: As you walk in you see the book on a pedestal – The ABD is suprised by how you just walked in. 

ABD: “What are you doing here little thing.”

DM: Roll fear check… *Sighs* is that a nat 20 dude?

Futon´s Player: Yup

Futon:”I am here to get that book so my stupid companions will shut up and i can go back to get revenge on that dwaf and hes ale”

DM: The ABD is amussed by your statement.

ABD: “Oh you like to drink then, i have a drink yous must try then”

DM: He offers you a cup of black liquid do you drink it?

One thing to know about Futon – he loves to drink, and sees himself as world champion of drinking (Beside that dwarf that clearly cheated).

Futon: “Of course i´ll have a drink”

DM: *Smirk* Roll fortitude

Futon´s Player: 24

DM: It burns in your throat but no penalties.

Futon: “WOOHOO thats some good stuff”

DM: The ABD is stuned that you are still alive.

Futon´s Player: I grab the book

ABD: “WAHAHA you know how to hold your poison, want another one?”

The rest of the table are yelling off game to just run out of there now that i have the book, buuuuut…

Futon: “Of course, it´s not that often i get such good stuff”

DM: Roll fotitude oh and by the way the DC went up since you already have poison inside of you.

Futon´s Player: What O.o

DM: By 3

Total silence around the table. The dice is rolled. All the numbers are added. 

Futon´s Player: Is 26 enough?

DM:… Do you wanna say anything to the ABD before walkin towards the way you came?

Cheering from the table – This is the first time Futon has had this much attention from the other players, and we started from lvl 3.

Futon: “WOOHOO This really is the good stuff, but now i have to go. Thanks for the drinks and the book, but now i have to move on.”

DM: The ABD is starting to doubt himself and hes poisons potency. He is visible frustratet that hes poison is not killing you.

ABD: “Before you walk out what is you name little thing?”

Futon: “Futon the slave”

ABD: “Well from now on you are Futon the iron stomach, and as a reward i will give you one more drink, what do you say?”

Wizard, Cleric, and the Sorcerers: “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Futon: “Nah what the hell, there is always room for one more”

DM: Roll…..Fortitude…..Check.

Futon´s Player: Did the DC go up?

DM: *Evil grin* Ohhh yeah it did

This is the first time i have ever seen my DM being menacing at the table (But it would not be the last) and i was legit scared.

the dice was rolling…. it hits the table…. and befor we can see the number on the dice….

DM: You need at least 31 to not die.

All of us froze when he said that.

I looked at the dice….. 19.

With feats, equipment and the goddes of luck watcing over me, i ended up with 32.

Futon: “WOOHOO that one i felt, but now i really have to go. Bye my friend.”

DM: … So Wizard what plan did you guys come up with?”

Wizard: “Ummm… we… did not finish one”

DM: Does not matter. You see Futon come around the corner and slams the book in front of you guys.

Futon: “Is this what you wanted?”

Session ended there – almost 4 hours early.

The DM was a really good sport, he told about how he had spendt a week making the enconuter to be either a social encounter (Witch is why he did not straight up kill me) or a combat encounter with lots of awsome attacks. He was not angry or anything but he swore he would get me next time. Such a cool guy.


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