Lost In Translation

How the party "diplomat" almost married me off, and started a side campaign


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It's appropriately named by the player whose character got me into this situation. 

We are playing a partially homebrewed primitive campaign. Our DM wants us to build the traditions and lore of the world as we play, so a lot of typical DnD stuff is already out the window. The main one being that we can't play ANY classes that rely on long standing tradition, except druids since they're nature based.

The cast:

 *Our DM 

 *Verde- an elven druid-in-training from the Bekae tribe  

*Caweem (Kahveem)- an elven ranger from the Bekae tribe

*Briar- my half-elf multi-class barbarian/rouge (because I can't be a monk).

*NaPalm-an  eccentric elven sorcer from the Bedai tribe (played by my real life husband). He is fascinated with fire and the pursuit of knowledge. His quest is to find students with magic potential.

*Cain- a half-elf rouge, and the party face because he speaks the most languages. We don't know much about him though.

Verde and Caweem are searching for a new home for their tribe, who are under attack by crazed goblins. They had another party member when Briar met them, but he died before this story. Briar has decided to join them since she's traveling to learn new fighting styles for her tribe.

Somewhere along the way the party encounter the Sol (humans), that's another story. The Sol tell us about the region and a tribe of Orcs in the NorthEast. There's a forest that way so we decide to check it out. 

Traveling across the plains we meet a flock of "devil chickens" (cockatrice that DM has tweaked). At first we manage to sneak away… into a nest. There are two statues there and as dusk falls they suddenly come to life. One shoots a fire bolt and the other "bravely runs" away, straight into the flock. He runs back to the group but we aren't fast enough to escape.

We fight: entangle, fire, sneak attacks, arrows, punching… our druid defies the food chain by kicking cockatrice butt in spider form. We won, but by the end Caweem and Briar are statues.

When we can move we all head across a river (lots of near drowning). We prepare for a storm but it apparently had other plans and passed us by, Briar gets heatstroke, and we discover a fire driving herds together into a valley. Finally we meet the Orcs, Cain speaks the language and arranges for us to trade with them.

We enter the camp; Caweem and Verde drawing angry glances. The Bekae didn't have bows (wait… elves who don't know archery?! Yeah, that's a thing in this setting). Caweem and Verde learned how to make them while staying with the Sol. Which means they're technically carrying around Sol weaponry. The Gegnar, as they call themselves, call the Sol thieves. Things do get smoothed out though, and bargaining ensues.

(Here it comes people)

The Gegnar shaman treats Briar while the others talk. It's around this time that NaPalm mentions that I'm looking for people to train with. Cain tells them that I want to fight. Their negotiator isn't interested, but suddenly I'm getting a LOT of attention. Cain continues trying to explain why I want to fight. Now I've got about a dozen young Orcs circling me, awkwardly inspecting my muscles, etc. They all start trying to hand me some cloth fighting garb; Briar is REALLY nervous now.

When we ask about it the negotiator explains that I've basically proposed marriage and these guys want to court me. The clothes are for a ritual, whoever beats me in an arena battle is my new husband. Cain starts stuttering that Briar's too young to marry, but they aren't bothered because they can just wait until I'm of age.

Player me is a bit freaked out; thinking "how the heck do I get Briar out of this?"

Briar tells them that her suitors need her family's blessing before they can even try. They're willing to observe my tribe's custom, but my tribe is FAR away in the south. Most of the young men give up at that point, much to my relief. 

However Briar still has a small, determined group of Orc suitors.

So now we have a sub-campaign following five Orc brothers on a quest to meet and impress the parents of their future bride (they hope). Caweem's player is the DM, and we've invited a friend who's interested in DnD to join the new game!

(Update- that friend has joined in this campaign too).


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