Some visuals to cheer you up:
(Stories will appear after these DnD memes)
I fight EVERYONE
When the Druid multiclasses as a fighter
When you roll a nat 1 for sitting in a chair
D&D Therapy by Mayim Bialik
1 By: Anon
I have been playing D&D since 1994. When i moved here i lost my gaming group. While unemployed, I went back to school. Now granted i am years older than the majority of my players, but one thing i will tell you is that if you better not start a D&D game with a large number of MENSA members. They will ruin every trap, every monster, every plot hook.... everytime. I have never had more fun as a DM before.
2 By: Caleb Robert Davidson
So it was my first time playing DnD and I was in a horror kick. Backstory Hannibal Lector is my favorite.
Named my High Elf sorc Hannibal (partially after Hannibal Barca) and focused on charisma and deception, who doesn’t like a smooth talking power hungry sorc?
We attempted to take over the first two towns we entered because I was manipulating everyone Npc or no to take a city so we could build resources and have a private army. By the third town we were in the capital city and I decided to be classy. The orphanage was overrun and I had a pet 10ft long anaconda. We go to the orphanage at night, my snake kills the head mistress and I killed the orphans and burnt down what I didn’t need for the feast I had planned with the leaders of the city.
They come to my house in the city and I’m making cannibal puns during the whole meal as we discuss current events. Personal favorite.
“This kid is delicious.”
Captain of guard raises eyebrow.
“It’s young goat, the meat is more tender when they’re young.”
Rest of the party watches in horror and awe and now I’m pretty much suspect villain for anything going on.
3 By: Dylan Woods
I’ve been wanting to submit a story for a while and I think I finally got a good one...
I play a bugbear rogue assassin named Grom’Thorok in a homebrew 5e campaign, where our rules are kind of...open for debate...so I decided to test the waters.
Our party was in a dungeon where this cocky little rich kid Ludwig was running a counterfeit gold operation. There’s 7 of us against 10 guards, 4 bodyguards, and Ludwig. Clearly, they’re not gonna let us out alive, so I rush one of the guards and completely miss my attack.
Me: Ok, I wanna use my bonus action to hide.
DM: Ok, what are you gonna hide behind though?
Our party looks at the board, which is clearly an open room and well-lit, then looks at me.
Me: Idk, the rule book just says I need to pass a stealth check to hide. Let god decide (My stealth bonus is +8 at level 4, it’s allowed me to get away with a lot more than I probably should)
DM: Uhh, screw it. Roll for it.
DM: Grom leaps away from the guard and hides behind some barrels that the party didn’t notice until just now!
Sweet, primed and ready for a sneak attack next round!
So I go all out, combine my sneak attack, ambush, assassinate, brute force, all that good stuff, and plan on trying to take out Ludwig in one fell swoop. He’s the boss of this operation and has 4 bodyguards, so I’m prepared for a good fight. I roll for 50-something damage...
DM: Yeah he had 10hp, he’s dead. GG
4 By: JoãoVictor Miranda Mendes Silva
What I'm about to share is something that happened fairly early in a 5e campaign I DM'd and ended about one year ago. After recalling about those events with the players, I've decided to share it here.
The low-level party (four level 4 adventurers) discovered that a city had mysterious en-masse disappearances about 300 years ago, hundreds of people vanishing to never be seen again.
After some adventuring, they connected the missing people to the abandoned manor of a Lord Arkay. A foreigner human noble that came to the town and built his mansion centuries ago. The city people in general never trusted him, calling him mad, evil, a practitioner of necromancy. He and all people that worked for him also disappeared centuries ago, before any investigation was done.
The party traveled to the distant and abandoned manor, which they started to investigate. The building itself was mostly empty, except for a ghostly appearance with sort of recorded-messages of Lord Arkay himself. However, the party discovered a secret entrance to a series of underground laboratories. They've descended, fighting monsters that had made the forgotten dungeon their lair. They also encountered automatons, humanoid machines with a skull of a once-living person inside them. Through the dungeon, they collected lost pieces of Arkay's journal and soon discovered that Arkay studied mechromancy and necromancy, searching for a way to achieve everlasting life.
Arkay first used his servants as test subjects. When those ran out, he started to abduct the city folk to continue his studies. They were transformed in metallic servants, devoid of will or memories, or at least those that were successfully transformed. All of this so he could find a new body for his beloved, terminally ill and in suspended animation through a magical device. When Arkay saw his own death approaching, he transformed himself into an automaton, embedded into the heart of his creepy factory.
Along the dungeon, they've come across a single automaton, in a dark room. Said automaton was surrounded by shards and shards of marble, carving white masks out of stone in an endless supply. The group discovered that Arkay ordered that automaton to carve a new face to his beloved, but it had to be perfect. Not satisfied with the first results, he ordered the automaton to keep working until a perfect mask was made. And so the automaton did, working without stopping for three hundred years.
The party's bard felt compassion to the poor automaton, and with a great performance roll she impersonated Arkay's voice (which she heard from his ghostly automated secretary on the manor), and ordered the automaton to stop. It did. Without any options besides leaving it behind, she ordered it to follow them.
Worker 627, or 'Twix' as she was nicknamed, became effectively a member of the party, and slowly started to regain her self-will and memories of a previous life as a young halfling. She followed the party until the very end of the adventure, and with the bard learning mechromancy skills from a divinity itself, Twix was tunned up into an efficient and versatile asset for the party. I even made an entire cost-based purchase mechanic for the Bard to customize Twix.
This adventure was entirely inspired by Dasomerville's maps for the Arkay Labs and Arkay Salt Caverns
TL;DR: Party finds evil guy's minion ordered to work forever and break her free, the automaton becoming a party follower and later a battle machine.
5 By: Talynn Pavey
Alright I got a story and it's an odd one
So our DM is a huge fan of the game Crypt of the Necrodancer. He decides one day to base a campaign on it. The catch here was when we attacked or advanced towards an enemy we had to roll two D20 one for the action one to stay in rhythm. If you didn't roll high enough you were penalized. Well we get close to the end of this campaign and we end up fighting a kraken. Well my buddy was our ranger and he wanted to snipe from the roof of a beach cabin that was on the scene. Well he succeeds on his attack but fails on his rhythm check. So he falls off the room.
This is a good time to mention that the DM and the ranger are irritated at each other over a girl. Keep this in mind.
So the DM make the kraken grapple him and drags him towards his eye. Since kraken can speak Common it tells my ranger friend "do you know what Hentai is?" We all knew where this was going.
In the end we ended up losing our ranger because he got split in two by a kraken tentacle up his ass.
Thanks for listening to my idiotic tale of Dungeons and Dipshits
6 By: Gannon Clark
Story time ya'll!
ONLY MY PARTY COULD PULL THIS CRAP.
TLDR: My ranger performed a successful dinosaur field surgery
I am running a 5e Tomb of Annihilation game for my players, with a couple homebrew rules. One of which, integral to this story, is a crit chart. You roll a 20, go ahead and roll again. If you roll a 15-20 on the second die, you get an extra effect other than a normal crit. This goes for enemies and players alike,
Party consists of a half orc barbarian, a human rogue and a human ranger who are married both in and out of game, and a dragonborn paladin. They also travel with Quasha the Druid, and Azaka the weretiger, in addition to their pack animals which include a saber toothed tiger, a triceretops, and two donkies. These people got very rich on dinosaur races.
So, random encounter occurs, Skeletons. Oh how spooky scary they were as they fired their shortbows at the oncoming party. Not a surprise round, but they won the initative. So as they go down one after the other, the party decided to send in the Trike, whom they have named Tropic Thunder (TT).
TT runs in and starts attacking, but one the skeleton archers scores a nat 20, and rolled a 15 on the second die, so they rolled on the chart. Effect was entitled "Disembowled" essentially dealing the same amount of damage every round until the source of damage was removed. This being an arrow I flavored it as it getting lodged in the stomach cavity of the creature, causing damage over time. Measly damage on the arrow though, only 7.
7 damage does begin to pile up however, as at the start of his turns TT is taking this damage. Eventually he actually gets to a point where he only has 50 hp left, and is freaking out. Encounter with skeletons over, I do not let the party leave initative, as now they have to calm the trike, and perform dinosaur field surgery by slicing him open with a dagger, and climbing into his guts. 5 checks later, and only 1 failure, he extracts the arrow and closes the wound with magic.
....I awarded the ranger inspiration for this crap cause holy hell. Dinosaur Field Surgery.
Previous episode link: Tales From The TableTop (Episode #4)