Blinky the lvl One Alchemist kills the BBEG in her first session

A goblin with a short attention span and shorter temper saves the world.

2 points

I’ve been playing tabletop RPGs in their various incarnations since D&D 3.5. So when my friends were looking for a 5th player to round out the party I jumped in on the chance to play an unfamiliar system. Game was classic pathfinder setting with some carry over from 3.5 that the DM loved, and refused to let go of.  The party was already pretty beefy with a half-orc Fighter named Fieng, Seyminn the Elvish Rogue, Zaku the Tiefling Samurai, Billy the human Barbarian and finally my character Blinky BigEar the Goblin alchemist to bear the burden of caster/ support. All were level 3 except for me, I’d opted to start at the beginning rather than jump in at level.
To make a long story short, Blinky wound up traveling with the group after some shenaniganry that resulted in her banishment from the tribe. Since this was my player character the group fudged their belief just a little bit to let a goblin join the party and move the game along. The group had been playing for a few weeks already but as this was my first session it gave the DM some storytelling opportunities that don’t really need to be repeated.  More tomfoolery and the session begins to wind down as the group heads back to the QC (quest giver) to return a macguffin that got them captured by blinky’s tribe at the start of the session.
As soon as the QC wrapped his wrinkled old fingers around the necklace he starks cackling.  Que BBEG monologue, about how the foolish mortals have doomed the plane to destruction and how his wrath would be never ending flame of vengence blah blah blah. This is supposed to be where we run away and start upon our epic quest to rid the world of the evil we unknowingly unleashed.
I however was having none of it. Blinky shouts “F@&K your monologue you talky bastard!” and lobs a bomb strait at his face.
The GM just stares at me, and the surprise round starts.  Everyone scrambles to take cover and ready weapons. Initiative is rolled and Blinky’s going third just after Billy and the now pissed off QC.
Billy, greatsword in hand bum rushes the baddy, aaaaannnnd he rolled a One. Faceplanted, prone and fifteen feet away from where he started the barbarian ends his turn. The old man rises into the air as an aura of power envelopes him. With his hand outstretched and a few choice words everyone's weapons shatter.
I ask the DM as my turn rolls around, “does everything mean I can’t throw bombs?” DM nod’s cleary hopping we will run and he doesn’t have to TPK the group.  Here’s where playing to your characters flaws can get you into serious trouble. See blinky has a ridiculously short temper, so she cries out in shrill rage, “you break all my things, I break your face!” Blinky throws the only thing she can, a now broken boomerang. DM reminds me that’s a -4 to my roll, and that the range will tack on another -6. I’m looking at a -10 and that with my lvl 1 stats that its an impossible roll. I remind the DM, “hey, I could always crit” and toss the die as a joke, the table looks in surprise as a Natural 20 stares up at us from the table. “Roll to confirm” the DM says an almost tired look on his face. Natural 20 once again. DM turns pail, “roll again, one more time.”
I raise an eyebrow “okay?” in a moment of confusion, but as the dice leave my fingers I remember what he’s got in play and hold my breath. The die comes to a halt, the faded double digits staring back at all of us. Natural 20 number three. That’s an Instant death effect to whatever your attacking.
Everyone sits in awe as the DM describes how this broken hunk of wood embeds itself square into the forehead of the old man, magic energy explodes from the corpse of the now slain fallen god falls to the ground with a satisfactory thud.
Session ends with everyone jumping to level 6, and the next session is pushed back a couple weeks while he has to come up with a new campaign arch.  From then on it became our groups slogan “I can always crit” whenever something looks hopeless.


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