Tales From The TableTop (Episode #6)

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Some stories and memes to make your day…


The almighty orc slayer

  1. 1 By: Thomas Rottem

    So I was DMing for the first time not too long ago for a lvl 1 party, there was a palidin, who is 15, wizard, who is 12, and rouge, who is 15 (ages IRL). I have a basic adventure set up that I found with a pretty simple story, kobolds have been attacking the town, please help us. Well to start the adventure the party is thrust into an encounter, an ambush of kobolds but the palidin at the head of the marching order notices one of them, he manages to recognise its race and he o so luckily knows their language. He decides to sing to it, but with a low charisma but a big roll he manages to sing it an old draconic lullaby/song from its childhood and it is filed with feelings of nostalgia, but sadly begins the attack. After the battle this same kobold attempts to escape from the encounter, but is stopped, knocked unconscious and koboldnapped by the same palidin that sung it nostalgic songs from childhood, but is now half dead and covered head to toe in  the kobolds friends blood, due to the fast paced murder of all his friends. Fast forward to when they arrive at the town, befriend the lord, take a tour of the town and have the kobold taken into ‘custody’ they decide to try to get information on why the kobolds are attacking the town and surrounding areas, they first attempt to try and convince the kobold that they are with its leader, which at first works but then backfired because this kobold was quite perspective for being on the verge of concussion, tied to a chair, which is tied to a post in the centre of a dimly lit ‘holding room/cell’ with unusually looking and rusted tools on a table next to another table which looks to be good for tying people down. This leads to them torturing the kobold by way of kicking the 2 legs off of the head part of the strapping table, tying him down, putting a cloth on his face and slowly letting a bucket of water run it’s way down from its crotch, up its torso onto the cloth and onto its face. essentially waterboarding it, but sadly this kobold was strong willed and managed to last 3 hours, so he finally spits up the information about his boss, but not after soiling and wetting itself multiple times. So with that information they head to the tavern, have their dinner and get a good nights sleep. Pretty good first experience as a DM, I can’t wait to do it again

  2. 2 By: Davin James Ray Elliott

    Ok so our story begtavern to introduce the party  to the campaign our DM made. Me a human rogue just sitting in corner and a half orc barbarian at the bar getting wasted. There was a band in the tavern playing joyful music for the crowd. Shortly after we've been there, the Lord of the town and his guards comes walking in and the band changes the tempo and everything sounds ominous. Some bandits pop out behind the band and starts attacking the guards. We start to help the guards with the bandits but they ended up killing eachother. So after all the bloodshed we have the rogue, the barbarian the Lord and the barkeep. Turns out the barkeep was the one who hired the bandits and offered us 1,000 gold each to kill the lord. The Lord is begging for his life and how he can offer me more. it becomes a bidding war on to kill the dude or not, so I'm thinking.....thinking and *ploop*  the barkeep throws the money to me and Hennessey(half orc barbarian). instantly I drive the dagger into the lord. My companion quickly goes to the bar to get a drink and do a spit take but rolled a nat1 and passed out for becoming to drunk. So being the rogue I am, I took his share too 😂😂

  3. 3 By: Chris Coffie

    So one of my first times  pldnd I was a dual welding fighter with one long sword and one small mace. My friend was a druid with a hawk companion. Well we had to get into a mausoleum  to break a artifact that was creating undead. We soon get out numbered and thankfully we both had blunt weapons (he was using a quarterstaff) when it came to his hawks turn we rolled for it to come down and scratch at the zombies we couldn't reach. Nat 20 so dm made the bird MISSILE RIGHT THRU ZOMBIES HEAD KILLING IT INSTANTLY. druid then buffs the bird up with the last of his spells making it a beast.

    The bird starts killing more undead then me the fighter until a zombie grab the bird in a grapple. In my valiant efforts to save our greatest killer I throw my mace at the zombie. Nat 1 rolled.

    The dm tells me to roll dmg and I roll the full d6 and KILL THE BIRD INSTEAD. my druid friend then gets upset and continues to fight until we die cause of bad rolls and damage.
    Moral of the story? Don't try to save a friend by pretending your thor

  4. 4 By: Colt Tristan Airey

    So this is the first encounter for the campaign with a paladin, a cleric, a bard, and a rogue (me). We had found a goblin camp while traveling so we attacked them and lost, the paladin almost dying because we kept rolling poorly and the DM is supernaturally good at rolling dice. So we retreat and rest for the night to attack them again but from behind. There was a cave at the back of the camp so we searched for another entrance to the cave and found one with 2 goblins guarding it. After killing them and then the 5 in the first chamber I climb up this incline into what was later to be revealed as the storeroom for the goblins and also where the boss gobin was. After rolling a nat 20 for stealth to hammer a piton into the solid stone floor and tie my rope to it for my partie to climb, my party wonders off into the next chamber and is immediately spotted and the the alarm is raised. All but one goblin and a dog leave the chamber to fight my party. I try to attack but the hound tackles me and we both go down the incline. After narrowly killing all the goblins my party kills the dog and then the goblin at the top of the incline throws a molotov cocktail down the incline at us and misses. But he burned my rope. This infuriated my character who was very protective of his things so i have the paladin throw me up the incline so that i stab the goblin in the gut, twist the knife and slice him open so that i can grab his intestines and strangle hime to death which took a long time because he was the boss and the dm wanted him strong enough to fight the whole party alone. So long story short i solo'd a boss because he burned my rope.

  5. 5 By: C. Smith, A, MacKenzie - Bird, J. McDowell

    • lJerganz was my half giant with a skewed sense of morals. To him any crime was punishable by death unless it was him or anyone he called friend. He began travelling with an Orc named Dasgi (also a PC) who was his only friend. Together they travelled to a port city where they stole a boat and encountered a warship from an island nation. Using a bunch of hidden cannons, alchemist fire and the ships own supply of gunpowder they sank it and shamed the captain. They proceeded to sail to the nation, and land in the capital. There they befriended the merchants before Jerganz came up with a plan. The king was away at war leaving only his family and a small dragon to guard his castle. Jerganz and Dasgi entered the castle and tricked the guards into thinking an enemy battalion was outside, when they left the locked the door behind them and ascended the tower. There they encountered the dragon and its guards. They killed the guards with ease, and decapitated the dragon. Then they approached the room of the royal family. Jerganz busted down the door and found that the queen and her children were cowering already. Dasgi killed the royal baby, and Jerganz imprisoned the rest of the family. He then declared himself king. He ruled for 6 months during which time he reformed the country, bolstered the navy, and when he was finally spirited away by a demon his last request was to have the castle destroyed. TL:DR, he arrived and was kind by the end of the day.
  6. 6 By: Jaziel Siles

    ok, so here is one of my stories, sorry for the bad ortographi this is not my natural language, so im a 3rd edition Elf Ranger, i was 16 years at that time, i had read all lord of the rings and a lot of dragonlance by that time, so my elf was kinda dick, very racist and very edonism, his 16 cha was only for him to look good, but he was a hell of a good ranger, the sesion was pretty advanced since we had playing that every saturday witout fail for 1 and a half year i dunno why but at that time i had a lot of 20 every reunion with diferent dice´s because everyone taught that i cheat with mine, but we were having a very hard time with a dracolich, after we finally beat him, only the fighter and i were on our feet, we never like each other, mostly for my racism towar half elfs (he was one), but in combat we always work together, after the battle was over a priest appears, he tought it was a enemy (he was always a easy triger) so he tried to attack him, but a 1 appear, and after check for fumble another 1 appear, and after the doble check a 3 appear, so it was a doble confirmed fumble, i was at his side talking how we are gonna help the other ones because my healing spells were off, so back to the fumbles, his axe tries to hit the cleric, but he stood on dracolich shit (dunno how that appear but it was for the funny fumble) he sliped and hit me in the face with the axe, i was gonna die for that hit since i was in like 5 hp and the damage was over 30, so the dm ask me if i want to live but only by a price, i accepted, so elona intersed in my aid, i was alive, but it left a scar my cha went down to 14, elona was teching me a lesson for my racism and hedonism, so after that my elf was less asshole with the other guys...


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