The Dm who didn’t get the hint


1
1 comment, 1 point

so i admit i'm still a novice at dnd, not for a pack of trying though. i had just moved in with my Fiancé for about two months when a new work friend invited her to join a game of dnd, Pathfinder edition. i asked to join, and was told i could in about a month. So, i used that time to craft a customized Alchemist specializing in medicine, a magical physician if you will. Swapping his mutagen for a modification to his potions, he was a potent backline healer with the spells to keep the party in good health, and a healcheck and feats that basically kept him from being K.O.'ed too easy. 

I sent my handiwork to the Dm, and he loved it. so after a month, i join the party:

my Fiancé as a 13 year old female rogue with the agility of an acrobate,

a draconic bloodline female half-elf bard who did not know about her bloodline,

a female kitsune ranger with a wolf companion,

and me: a male elven Alchemist Physician.

The Dm is running a prebuilt campaign, i never got the name of it, but there had just been a huge battle between a horde of goblins and the town/party. I come in having just arrived in town and begin organizing and treating those in critical condition, while the rest of the party gathers loot and talks to the town guard. Long story short, i meet them when i fo to treat the Kitsune for her broken leg. Party is hailed as hero, and i'm thanked for saving those close to death. 

This is when things get… weird. The dm makes a big show of how the girls in the bar are fauning over me, till the bard reminds him her character swings every way, and puts on a musical show to get some attention.

At this point i drop the first hint to my character's sexuality: he pays the girls no attention. the Dm asks me to roll for the Bard's performance, as the bard is quite 'charming', pantamiming big breasts as he says it. I drop hint two, informing him i would not as my character does not think about the physical attractiveness of other individuals.

If it's not obvious, my Alchemist is Asexual and Demi-Romantic, trying to appeal to him through sexual attraction isn't gonna go anywhere.

So what does the dm do now? Why, have the blacksmith's daughter throw herself at me ofcourse!

She's at the bar delivering something for her father, and the DM starts going over how she's simaltaneously flirting with me, and trying to get my help, going into detail on how attractive she is. Not wanting to ruin the game, and still being a novice, i try to roll witg it in-character. So queue an motive check. The dm tells me blatently she's lying about needing my help getting rats out of her dad's cellar, and that she's looking for something more devious. 

Then he says: "with your high perception when it comes to health and medicine, you can also tell she's ovulating. clearly horny for you."

Mentally i recoil. i may not share my character's sexuality, but even /I/ feel like he's trippin into creepy territory. The rest of the party is out on the town stocking up, so no one's there to back this up, and the only one looking concerned about this besides me is my fiancé, who's a mix of concern and laughter.

The DM makes it clear that she isn't about to take no for an answer so i begrudgingly go along with it, faining to believe the "Rodents of Unusual Size in the cellar" story, all the while i inform him i'm activating an invisibility potion just in case. 

one tromp through town and the party noticing and tagging way behind, i'm lead down to the Blacksmith's cellar. And wouldn't you know it: no rats. what i do find though, is a cot in the corner, and the blacksmith's daughter undressing behind me. 

so i tell the dm i drink my invisability potion and do a fivestep back. i'm not about to roleplay that scenario out.

The Dm did not agree. " oh you drink the invis potion, but before you can move she latches onto you, saying "oh, invisible sex! how kinky!"

I get a look at his campaign sheet when he's looking on the computer for something and realize what's going on. the Blacksmith's daughter is supposed to seduce a male party member, then her dad catches them in the middle of the act and get the party kicked out of town.

Despite my constant dropping hints, the Dm decided that since i'm the only male party member, i must be the one to fall into the plot-trap!

Well, he didn't take into account i'm a fully stocked physician, and i never put my bag down. i roll, and inform him that i blast her in the face with Sweet Dream dust (i think it was called that), a powder that knocks the affected unconcious and removes the lady five minutes of memory. 

the DM FINALLY gets the hint and rolls with it, letting me get away from her. But he still wants the dad to kick us out of town, so he tells me the father comes down and flies into a rage when he seems me with his naked daughter.

as kindly as i can, i remind him that i'm ten feet from her, and still invisible for five more minutes. He looks confused, then tells me the dad's blocking the starewell. So i do the only thing i can do: hit him with some Sweet Dream Dust and bail.

thankfully by this point the other players were enjoying my escapade, and cheering for my escape, so i was allowed to get out scott free.

i only had one other session with that campaign before it was cancelled. turns out the Kitsune player was his wife, and he'd been cheating on her. So they broke up. 

im glad i atleast dont have to deal with that again. 


One Comment

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  1. Oh, I hate it when DM’s do something like this. I have my own story about a DM making choices for players without thinking or asking the players about it. Too long for comment box though.

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