How the Chaotic Party Met its Chaotic Mascot

How our DnD Master made a boring quest become a funny story.


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I am playing an D&D with my friends. We are kinda new to the cenario and are trying to start a new campaign since the disaster of the first campaign as our master resulted in having problems with the plot, so we started again with a new group.

Our master let us roll a item from the book to spice our backgrounds and we start with a Feature. The group consist of my friend Luciano, who have a taste for strong, funny characters (often dumb), playing Rhogar, a Dragonborn Champion Warrior with a Magical Greatsword wich can shatter itself on seven other smaller swords that the party can use, he lost his armor as he failed in reinforcing his armor in a forge (his item was a piece of junk), my friend Italo, a guy who was our long term narrator and master of game, but in this scenario he finally could be a player, his character is Duncan, a Human Rogue Swashbuckler, charlatain, pyromaniac with weird fetishes and a dark sense of humor as I and Luciano joke (His Feat is Ritual Caster and his starting item is a diary in a strange language, that he explained with his rogue taking diaries of dead people that we found or he killed having a collection), our Dungeon master, Cleuton, is a colleague from the school and show the 5e for us.
And there is me, Nirko, a High Elf Wizard Necromancer, wich dreams in raising an army of undead to spread chaos on the secular Empire, your classic necromancer. Everyone on the party are Chaotic Neutral, so you could imagine that we have a tendency for doing things crazy.

We arrived on a small city after some random encounters and killing a Green Witch that were hiding itself disguised on a village, attacking travelers passing by. Our actual objetive its taking the payment from a Tiefling who wanted a magical necklace, but we are still far from the city where we could take our payment.
Since we had nothing to do on the town, Rhogar, the Warrior decided to look at the Tavern for some work to do and found a request of a farmer that promised a payment for clearing a giant spider nest for him.
You see, I like to put some of me on my characters so I can be more confortable roleplaying them. In this case, this character has part of my behavior, and my arachnophobia, so I was trying what i could to not participate on this quest, especially since it was not something important. But after some time with my friends talking and encouraging me I sighed and agreed.

As soon as we arrived on the nest, Duncan (our Rogue) spoke
"Alright, I have a plan."
"We kick the spiders butts?" 
Asked Rhogar.
"That is your part, we will create some stuff to destroy the nest and have a back-up plan to leave."
The Rogue took some oil flasks and powder from our Bag of Holding, he crafted a trap on the entrance of the lair so if any spider come out the flask would drop on the ground and then be ignited. 

With his help, my necromancer scored high crafting a incendiary bomb with the powder and some oil flasks, so we cound plant it on the nest and destroy it, taking out the spiders that could escape the explosion. We descend os this tunnel that takes us to a dark cave where the walls were encumbered in webs and sacks (urgh) and it didn't take that long to find the nest. We got surprised by the spiders: two of the spider babies jumped on Rhogar and a Giant Spider tried to poison his leg. Duncan ran past the spiders and quickly prepared the bomb for its detonation and screamed
"Run, you fools! This nest gonna explode!"
I used a Ray of Enfeeblement on the spiders over Rhogar and ran for the exit, those two ran toguether after me, atacking any spider that came too close, and then the bomb exploded in flames, taking the nest and two of the spiders hunting us with it, we werel left with 3 damaged spiders to kill and we almost lost Rhogar, but we killed everyone of them with cuts and spells.
"Now I realized something" told Rhogar.
"What?" Nirko asked.
"On the contract it is said that our payment would be for every spider killed, but how we are gonna explain to the farmer the explosion?"
"Take some Spider fries, he will like it" Answered Duncan.

After a short rest, we decided to investigate the cave again, to be sure every spider was killed and to count the bodies. Rhogar and Duncan werew together and i was on the back line. When we returned to the nest, we had found something uncovered after the explosion: an eletric lantern on a wall, with a tunnel open now for exploring.

"Hey Nirko, don't die now i think our work is not over" Said Duncan.
"You damn fool you gonna kill us all"
"Hey, those things are not from great cities of the Empire like the Capital?" 
Asked Rhogar.
"It is safe to say that the farmer have no idea." 
Said Duncan.
"There is something there feeding this light, we should see it" 
I said.

We press foward, with the same formation until we found a circular room, well iluminated and in the center there is a man sitting on a desk, strong and with a dark long hair over his eyes, close to two jars with cables connected to the man, he haven't saw us.

"Heya" Said Rhogar.
"Son of a-" Whispered Duncan to Rhogar, trying to find a cover to hide himself.

The man have yellow eyes and groans some gutural sounds, as i come closer to the room i can see some details on him: his body is irregular, desproportional with some pieces stitched together in a corpse. This is not a living man.
But… IT IS ALIVE!

after a sucessful roll i remembered my studies of anatomy and necromancy, and by my studies, this thing is a Flesh Golem, with those jars, and the walls of this circular room are full of bookshelves. You see, I couldn't contain my smile, I was a child in a grocery store.

"Hey Josias, how are you?" Casually asked Rhogar to the Flesh Golem.
It responded with gutural groans and moans.
"Okay it is difficult for you to talk so we can make it more easy, how about this, you do a like to say yes or don't like to no. Do you understand me?" Asked Rhogar.
As I was trying to figure a way to deal with the Flesh Golem, Duncan was trying to sneak his way to the back of the monster, asking with signals if we should fight it. And then I saw what I was looking for.
A Bracelet with a magical jewel. As Rhogar were trying to befriend the flesh golem and Duncan was preparing himself if something gone wrong, I cast Magical Hands and picked the bracelet, my hopes were fufilled as I recognize it as a controller for the golem.
"I can't believe you are talking to this thing! Most important, that you are actually using the peaceful route and gave him a name." Said Duncan. "I still have my doubts of who are more dumber from the two of you." He joked.
"Don't mind him Josias, he is just a silly guy." Said Rhogar.
"I don't know you guys, but someone made this guy over here, and someone gonna return. Someone will love to add us to the collection. I will look nearby, see if Someone returns,"
It took some time but i attuned myself to the Bracelet and could control the Flesh Golem, exploring the desk and bookshelves i found a lot of books about necromancy, golem making, and anatomy (a gold mine for me yay!).
After some research I found a diary of the man who created Josias, this golem was his imperfect creation, and left them with the spiders to watch it, some of them were raised as zombies, so it explained why we haven't found eggs.
Duncan returned and we explained everything, I decided that I would take Josias with us in this journey and i let Josias be free to answer for himself (Like/Don't Like).
"Okay, but the guy over there is a freak show, we should at least cover him." He answered taking some cloths that he stole from a textile building in a citie we passed by.
"Hey, how much time do you think Josias had spent here?" Asked Rhogar.

With a high roll of deduction from Duncan, he said it was something about 15-17 years.
As Josias was finally dressed, we took all the books to the Bag of Holding and left in our wagon, asking for the reward of the farmer. When we have returned to the citie and bought some suplies ready to leave with our new friend, and the jars that could feed Josias with eletricity. When we were leaving with my new servant, Duncan said:
"You know what? For some gold I could make his documents"
"Shut up and take my money" I joked.
And then he took his Disguise Kit on the wagon, wore some glasses and started to act, asking for its name, the name of its father and Josias birth date, taking his Kit to falsificate documents for the big guy. We carried on and i realized something funny, Josias is a Flesh Golem of 2,3m, 180kg and about 17 years. So i asked for Duncan.
"Sir Duncan, he needs a surname, there is something you can recommend me?"
He took some papers with random names, and started saying them one by one, until we decided to put a complete name on him.

"Alright, so his name is Josias Johansen, is that right, sir?"
YES! THAT WAS A REFERENCE.
"Of course, sir Duncan"
And Now we have Flesh Golem named Josias Johansen, we are on our way to decide to start a gang war on the city or hunt our payment for the necklace and of course, we have a madman who does illegal experiments creating flesh golems and studying necromancy free on the world and we intend to put him down to justice (and why not get our share of a bounty?)

Today was a good day.


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